AUNT TRUPHENA: My sister-in-law hates me
She always wants to be seen as the best in the family. She wants the family to see me as an outsider just as she treats me. What do I do to solve this? ILLUSTRATION| FILE
What you need to know:
- At this point, realise that you have given it all you have and that there is nothing left to give.
- Your brother’s wife treats you like a foreigner; you should take this as a wake-up call to stand up for yourself because you are a part of the family now.
Q: I am in my first year of marriage and may husband and I are doing well. My problem is my brother-in law’s wife. She married into the family nine years ago and she has not accepted me. She talks behind my back to my husband’s family. She avoids conversations with me. My parents-in-law are very cooperative with me and I have a good relationship with them. This makes her even more jealous. At times I feel so intimidated and I fear visiting my husband’s family. She always wants to be seen as the best in the family. She wants the family to see me as an outsider just as she treats me. What do I do to solve this? I need
A: You are going through a lot and my heart goes out to you. However the most important thing is to make a decision on how to deal with it. You can ignore your sister-in-law’s behaviour for some time and probably give her a chance to settle in with the reality that she now has to share the spotlight, or you can set up a family meeting to discuss the ongoing problem. You could ask your husband to invite his brother and wife over for dinner in order to achieve this. You may use this time as an opportunity to break the ice with her by allowing her to see that you are a real person with only the best intentions. Make them aware of how important it is that everyone gets along. Open up about how you felt becoming a member of this new family. In case they reject your invitation, just stop trying and instead give them some time and space. At this point, realise that you have given it all you have and that there is nothing left to give. Your brother’s wife treats you like a foreigner; you should take this as a wake-up call to stand up for yourself because you are a part of the family now. You have every right to be included as a part of this new family. Remember, building a relationship with the rest of your in-laws is very important so do make the effort to visit often and get to know them and allow them the opportunity to get to know you. Do not allow your brother’s wife to stop you from becoming a member of this family, especially through making you feel intimidated by the fact that she has been around longer than you. My best wishes.
