My wife won’t confide in me

My wife and I got married five years ago and we have a daughter. My wife is not a talkative person; she seems to hide so many things from me. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • This may have been triggered by her past experiences with you – perhaps she once disclosed some information to you and you reacted adversely.

  • That could explain why she said that you are hostile towards her.

Q: My wife and I got married five years ago and we have a daughter. My wife is not a talkative person; she seems to hide so many things from me.

We only talk about general things. Sometimes I sense that she is going through something but she won’t tell me.

Sometimes I gather information through her family members or close friends. When I confront her, she says that I am hostile towards her. What should I do? I would like to know why she trusts the people around her but not me. I am disturbed. Help me, aunt.

 

A: It is unfortunate that your marriage is going through immense mistrust which is one of the great foundations of a stable marriage. With this in mind, it becomes almost a must that you handle this issue swiftly before your marriage’s falls apart. Your wife may be feeling too insecure to share her experiences with you.

This may have been triggered by her past experiences with you – perhaps she once disclosed some information to you and you reacted adversely. That could explain why she said that you are hostile towards her.

Now she hides her issues to protect herself from you. The most important thing to understand now is that your wife does not feel safe around you.

That safety and trust need to be rebuilt by you two.

Open channels of communication

You may start by appreciating your wife for all she does for you and your family, no matter how small it maybe. She will respond by trusting you more, which will eventually open the communication channels between you two. Also try to see things from her point of view; what is going on for her? Have you done anything to trigger her defense mechanisms?

She could also be hiding stuff from you to protect her identity. Maybe she doesn’t want to be vulnerable with you.

You can use this information and strive to earn more of her trust. Assure her that you will still love and be there for her even after her disclosure. But remember, the first step in opening up the communication channels lies with you. My best wishes.