Out of my pain, a sanctuary for vulnerable women was born

“My name is Jacqueline Ruthi. I am a social worker, running an NGO called Single Mothers Help Program. I deal with single women affected and infected with HIV/AIDS and terminal illnesses. I operate in Taita Taveta County, and I’m currently working with a group of 21 women in a number of projects including making mats, detergents and other items for profit. I also counsel the women to adhere to their treatment regimen, because there are those who fail to take their medication for fear of stigimatisation.

Before all this, I was in Norway studying and living with my daughter. I met my then husband in 2010 through the internet, while I was here in Kenya. I was able to get a visa and visit him in Norway, where I stayed for three months before moving permanently a year later.

SOUGHT HELP FROM CRISIS CENTRE

You know, when you fall in love, it becomes so difficult to predict what’s going to happen. It was in Norway that I was able to learn more about my husband. The cultural barrier started to create a rift between us. I was not allowed to have a bank account, and was expected to be totally dependent on him, never mind I had gone to college and I had my own ideas of what I wanted to do with my life. It got to a point when we started fighting, and it was so bad, I had to go seek shelter at a crisis centre (a haven for victims of domestic violence) with my daughter.

As a foreigner, I was expected to stay at the crisis centre for three months, and I met many Africans who were going through similar situations.  Most of them told me to endure my marriage, to hold on to my ex, and even beg him to take me back so I could stay longer in Norway. But one thing that stayed on my mind was that I was not chased away from my temporary home. Therefore, I stayed at the centre instead of going to beg him for money and my life. We separated in November 2012. 

In December 2012, the social system provided me with a new house and my daughter and I were able to go to school.  In 2013, I got a job and was able to support my family. At the end of the year, my lawyer told me that my ex had gotten another girlfriend and he no longer wanted anything to do with me. And since by law a couple is supposed to separate for two years, in 2014, the second year after the separation I decided to come back home.

The support systems are completely different in Norway, so when I came back, I had a chat with a few friends and decided to set up the NGO for single mothers, because most of these women do not know their rights.

When I started out, I wanted to help single mothers and disabled kids, but in the process, I realised that these women were not just grappling with financial difficulties, they also had other problems and illnesses, so I decided to focus on single mothers infected and affected by HIV/AIDS.

Why Taita Taveta? I have cousins here, and when I visited, I met some women in a club, working as bartenders. On talking to them, I found out that their parents sent them to the bar to fend for themselves. Most of these women had kids but had to leave them with friends so that they could come to work. Their situation touched my heart so much that when I was applying for the NGO certificate, I wrote down this county as my base. I am in the process of starting the same programme in Muranga County.

I want these single mothers to know that life is not all bleak, and to know that while they think what they are going through is bad, there are others out there going through similar situations, so they do not need to be shy to talk about it or to kill themselves when they can get help.

Personally, I am proud of how far I have come. It has been said that you have to drink the bitter cup to appreciate life and that if you know what you want, go for it: do not give up. This is what has kept me going.”