You’re definitely cheating if ...

When you hear of the word ‘cheating’ the first thing that will pop into most people’s minds is having sex with another person other than your partner. Cheating in a relationship, however, is complicated and doesn’t always constitute sex. PHOTO/FILE

What you need to know:

  • The problem isn’t that you are interacting with another but the intent behind that interaction. Be honest with yourself. What is the motive behind sending that text message?
  • The fate of your relationship depends heavily on fantasies that you have of other people.
  • If you find yourself sneaking around, ask yourself why you feel the need to hide this fact from your partner. It may be a sign of a bigger problem in your relationship.

There’s no denying it, the other woman and the other man look like they’re here to stay.

When you hear of the word ‘cheating’ the first thing that will pop into most people’s minds is having sex with another person other than your partner.

Cheating in a relationship, however, is complicated and doesn’t always constitute sex. Could you be unknowingly cheating on your significant other? Here are things you could be doing that also amount to cheating:

Anticipating a next step

It maybe that you sent a harmless text or that you shared a harmless lunch with another person but as long as you have expectations from it, you are eager to see how this third party will react and you have hope that this could grow into something more, you are cheating.

The problem isn’t that you are interacting with another but the intent behind that interaction. Be honest with yourself.

What is the motive behind sending that text message?

Would you be upset if tables were flipped?

Sometimes even the most self-aware person will delude themselves into believing that they are not cheating to avoid feeling guilty.

If you have any doubts regarding your conduct, ask yourself how you would feel if you caught your partner doing the same.

Would you be hurt if you found out that he was flirting heavily with a co-worker and sometimes secretly went out for drinks with her? If yes, then it is cheating.

Partner replacement fantasies

You may be one of those who get intimate with their partner while feeding their minds with the fantasies of another.

While sex experts term this as healthy sexual behaviour which may seem harmless seeing as the monogamy bounds aren’t broken, it may count as cheating.

True, fantasising is something that can happen as a reflex such as anger and it doesn’t always constitute cheating.

When it happens constantly during the act and when you become incapable of intimacy without it, it becomes emotional cheating.

The fate of your relationship depends heavily on fantasies that you have of other people.

Hiding male friends

Assuming that you are in a heterosexual relationship, it may make sense to hide your friendships with your male friends so as not to upset your man.

You can even argue that it is innocent seeing as there is nothing overtly sexual about it. It is still cheating because you are sneaking around and hiding things from him.

If you find yourself sneaking around, ask yourself why you feel the need to hide this fact from your partner. It may be a sign of a bigger problem in your relationship.

Chat rooms

You are lonely, bored or maybe just curious and you go online to meet and flirt with other men. From where you stand, these virtual relations are insignificant.

They do not count as cheating because you have no intentions of ever meeting these men offline, right? Wrong. You are cheating.

It may seem harmless seeing as there is no physical interaction but the fact that you are lying about it makes it wrong. The fact that you intentionally seek sexual excitement outside your relationship makes it cheating.

When you are not caught

You may imagine that acts of cheating which the other party knows nothing about do not constitute cheating. He may not know about it and may not get hurt, but the fact that he would be upset and feel betrayed if he found out makes it cheating.

This ‘it is not cheating if it’ isn’t known’ mentality is the same one that prompts some people to cheat when they are in a different country from their partner telling themselves that because of the great distance and the minimal likelihood of getting caught, it doesn’t count.

Depending on the nature of the relationship, each individual is likely to have their own notions in regard to which actions amount to cheating and which ones do not.

The best test is to engage your conscience.

Do you feel guilty after engaging in a certain activity? If yes, you are probably cheating. If it feels like cheating to you, it is.