Rape has nothing to do with dress!

The chama once again invited me to give them a sexologist’s perspective during their meeting. If you have forgotten, the chama is a woman’s welfare group of which I am the only male member by virtue of the fact that they consult me on sex-related issues.

This time round the discussion was on provocative dressing.

“Some counties have been toying with the idea of banning miniskirts after Uganda passed a law on provocative dressing,” said the chairwoman by way of introducing the topic.

“We have heard it said that men are always thinking about sex and that some forms of dressing torment them and can force them to rape a woman in the street,” the chairperson continued.

“What can a normal man rape me simply because of my way of dressing? Is that not just another form of gender insubordination, taking away our freedom to wear what we choose?”

This discussion reminded me of my first visit to America during summer. Temperatures were high, almost 40 degrees centigrade. Out in the streets, women wore very short skirts and sleeveless blouses, yet nobody bothered them.

Here at home, people get very concerned when a woman’s thigh is exposed. This is despite the fact that the thigh is not the only erotic area of the body.

Even the neck, the lips and the eyes can be sexy. If we were to block women from looking sexy, we would have to cover all parts of their bodies.

One wonders if some of the men who complain have ever sat near a swimming pool; if it is true that the thigh drives them crazy, what happens here?

What about those occasions when there are traditional dances and women are dressed in costumes that expose their bodies? Do they feel forced to rape?

The discomfort with short skirts or dresses is a social construct. That is why, even in schools, teachers want girls to wear long uniforms. It is believed that good girls hide their body parts as much as possible.

Most men in our setting are part of this social construction. Short dresses in public places, however, have nothing to do with sexual arousal.

Contrary to popular belief, men need a conducive environment to get aroused. This includes privacy, a partner they have admired for some time, and the partner providing cues that encourage the man to continue.

It is unusual that a man will meet a stranger in the street, get aroused and jump on her to do his thing.

There are of course abnormal cases. A good example is men who use drugs and alcohol and then lose judgment. Actions taken under intoxication are abnormal and regrettable. Many rape cases are the product of drug and alcohol influence.

Abnormal behaviour

There are a few cases of kinky sexual behaviours – men who have sex with animals, voyeurs and those who derive pleasure from physically hurting others.

These are abnormal behaviours and are illegal. A woman walking in the open in the streets in a short skirt does not provide opportunity for these abnormal behaviours to be executed – the man has to be abnormal in order to want to attack her.

We should not hide behind sexual arousal to deny women the freedom to dress the way they want. If you are a rapist, be honest with yourself and seek therapy. Do not hide behind women’s way of dressing.

I am sure there are instances when the shape of a man’s beard looks sexy. There are also instances when the shape of the trouser is really enticing.

Women have, however, not stopped men from shaping their beards the way they want or wearing certain cuts of trouser. Fairness demands that the same rules apply to women.

“Members you have heard it from the horse’s mouth,” said the chairperson.

“If your culture demands that you put on a long dress, you can do it to conform socially; those of us who do not believe in such will dress the way we want and not expect rapists to use that as an excuse.”