Rescue from the depths of alcoholism

“My name is Joyce Nuru, a single mother of one. I am in my early 40s. I am a pastor at a missionary group known as Elohim Missionaries based in Nairobi. I am also a gospel singer. And I lost 29 years of my life to alcohol.

“It all started when I was in Class Six in 1984 at Ichagaki Primary School in Murang’a County. I was the firstborn in a family of two sisters and two brothers. We lived in a large homestead in Maragua.

“My grandfather was fond of making traditional brews such as busaa and muratina. Being the eldest among my siblings, he would often ask me to help him grind cereals for busaa and fetch the muratina fruits, which would fall down from their string-like twigs when ripe. We called them ‘sausages’ because they were long like sausages. Later at home, I’d watch and help him make the brews.

“When the brews were ready, he’d often give me a cup to drink. At first, I hated the taste but gradually, I became used to it. I speedily picked up his art of making beer and started making my own concoctions in the nearby bushes in secret. By the time I completed my primary school education in 1988, addiction had begun to germinate. I would not go a day without gulping at least three cups of the brew. My parents did not notice that I had taken beer because it would hardly smell. Also, I always ensured that I had sweets to mask the smell and taste of the brews. Also when found out, I’d say I’d taken a little bit with my grandpa.

“I carried my drinking habit to secondary school in 1989. With enough pocket money to cater for my personal needs, I suddenly found myself with enough to buy chang’aa in the backstreets of Karatina. I would put on my home clothes and pretend to have been sent to buy alcohol by a regular. I’d hide it in the school fence. In Form Two I was transferred to Kaharo Secondary Day School in Maragua. I could now take my brews on my way to school and back.

WILL TO QUIT

“Although I had been careful not to drink too much while in school, my drinking increased when I got a job as a shop attendant in Karatina after sitting for KCSE. Within a few weeks, I became a regular at local drinking dens. There was always a male reveller willing to get me drunk whenever I was broke. This escalated when I moved to Nairobi to oversee financial records and marketing at a farming input business.

My salary was higher and I could afford to drink in bigger clubs. The friends I made introduced me to occasional bhang smoking. Over the weekends, I was always the first person in a club and nearly the last person to leave. At work, I would alternate my coffee and lunch breaks for liquor. There was little that my boss could do even though he knew that I was drinking while at work.

Being uneducated, he had entrusted me with all the business records and let me in on some of his business dealings. He was afraid I would blackmail him if he fired me.

“At one of the parties I attended, I entered into a relationship and got pregnant. Although the relationship did not last, I kept the child and took a drinking break. However, after my son was born in 1994 I gradually resumed drinking. There were many times after that when I tried to quit but my will was weak and I always found myself back at the pub. The craving was too overwhelming. Sometimes I would quit and stay sober for weeks, only to end up drinking again.

“My turning point came in 1999. One Friday evening, I left my son at home and went out with my friends. I was not sober the whole of that weekend. We moved from one club to the other, one estate to the other, one house party to the next. On Sunday, at around 2pm, I returned home drunk, unkempt and worn out. I still remember the look on my five-year-old son’s face as I struggled to find balance, leaning on the door frame when he opened the door. His eyes were teary.

He looked at me and said, ‘Mummy, you are a drunkard! Why are you drinking beer?’ Although I was totally drunk, his words reverberated inside my head.

Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by the feeling that I was a loser, a bad mother, a poor role model for him. ‘Honey, I’ll not drink beer again,’ I told him and staggered to the sofa. He didn’t believe me. ‘You always come home drunk and my playmates tease me that my mum drinks alcohol like men,’ he said and ran crying to his bedroom.

FULL RECOVERY

Over the next two days, his words were all I could think about. However, I was afraid of relapsing. Skipping my drinking breaks at work was not easy either, but I couldn’t afford to disappoint my son. I desperately wanted to keep my promise. I craved going out so I decided to continue attending weekend parties, but refrain from drinking. I also began to go home before midnight.

“This was a shocker to my drinking buddies. They all told me off and said I’d soon rejoin them, but I stuck to my guns. A month later, I started skipping the parties to spend more time with my child. Having been an alcoholic for years, perhaps my withdrawal was too sudden.

I felt unhappy and often found myself regretting why I took the wrong turn. I felt worthless. Depression began to set in. Between 1998 and 2000, I was treated for depression at Kenyatta National Hospital and Mathari Hospital. In that time I decided to get saved and start practising Christianity.  I thank God that today I am fully recovered.

“Looking back, I could wallow in regret at the years and opportunities that I lost. However, I have learnt to embrace the dark part of my life as a chapter from which I draw lessons to become a better woman, mother and citizen.”