Should I cheat on my cheating husband?

My husband cheats on me – a lot. I recently found out that he has a mistress who he maintains, as well as a couple of girlfriends on the side who he keeps changing. We have three children together who are between the ages of five and 11. I don’t want to leave my husband because of the children. I want them to grow up with two parents. I recently realised that I am attracted to a male colleague of mine, also unhappily married. We have been talking and flirting, and I really want to take it to the next level. Since my husband has his women and we no longer have sexual relations, what would the problem be with me embarking on my affair? Should I go ahead and do it? I’m not even concerned about being discreet – my husband doesn’t pay me enough attention anyway to notice that I have moved on emotionally.

READERS’ ADVICE:

Your husband lost all respect and value for you, darling. Cheating on him won’t change his lack of value for you. It gives him even more reason or rather excuses for being such a douche. You are not staying with him because of the children – no, honey. Your children deserve to be in a family where there is mutual respect and love. Evidently that is non-existent. Children pick their parents’ patterns and it affects their perspective on relationships. Your children probably know that their dad is cheating on mummy and they can tell when you are unhappy. If you stay in such an emotionally abusive marriage your boy children will probably cheat on their wives and your girl children will probably allow cheating, even accept it. That’s the harsh reality. Decide whether staying is worth the risk. Are you and your husband willing to make things work? PS: if he wanted to make it work he wouldn’t have cheated, especially with multiple people. Instead, you could make the brave decision to leave your marriage, teaching your children to know their worth, when to stay and when to leave. Give yourself the time to heal; you may find the right man that God ordained for you. And God permits you to leave a marriage that is full of adultery, honey. Virginia Ndungu, via Facebook.

Two wrongs won’t and can’t make a right and with so many sexually transmitted diseases you shouldn’t be thinking of commiting adultery. You are only driven to do so to revenge on your hubby. Picture yourself in the shoes of the wife of the man you claim to be attracted to; isn’t she in the situation you are in? How would she feel? Try to find the solution and not escape to another. Your children are your first priority; what example do you want to give them? If you have an affair will it straighten your marital issues? No. Think with a cool head. Would it not be better if you sit down with your husband and have a candid conversation? I am sure you will find the root of the problem. Have you considered seeing your mentor couple? Pastor too? Marriage counsellor? If both of you are willing to make it work, it will. Irene Kariuki, via Facebook.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

Feeling wanted and loved by someone is always a great feeling. The problem with your plan to begin an affair is that if your husband found out he would not be as forgiving. I may be speculating but it is not common for men to allow such behaviour despite their own wrong doing. That revelation would for sure crumble your union and in more ways than one affect your children. There is also the probability of you hurting when you eventually fall in love with your affair partner only to realise he is only in it for the thrill. Considering your colleague is married, it is likely he will only invest himself in your affair to satisfy his manly urges and receive your affection. Those relations have an expiry date and once you invest your emotions you will undoubtedly be hurt. Rekindling what you once had with your husband may not be an option for you but whatever you decide, be sure that you are aware of all probabilities and the consequences that may arise from your decisions.