HEART ADVICE: Should I ditch my broke boyfriend?

I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost a year now. He claims to be a businessman but he has bank loans of almost Sh4 million he is concentrating on paying. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • Realistically speaking, financial security and stability are key aspects in sustaining a viable relationship, but they not the only ones. You’re lucky that your man is an angel in every other sense except for the fact that he is not financially stable.
  • Don’t pay for anything any more. I feel he sees you as a walking bank. He should man up and be responsible.
  • I am 24 years old. I have been with my boyfriend since we were in Form 2. I used to love him but these days I feel like he is stifling me. I am just about to graduate from university and I am already working.

Q: I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost a year now. We are moving on well but I feel fed up. He claims to be a businessman… but he has bank loans of almost Sh4 million he is concentrating on paying. I have a job although I don’t earn so much. He provides nothing for me financially. I pay the bills when we go out. He asks for money and credit from me. Now he has asked me to move in with him. I feel I am gaining nothing from this relationship and I want to leave and look for a better man. He is a good guy in all other aspects but the only problem is that he is not financially stable. What do I do? Should I go on with him?

Please help.

Readers reply:

You shouldn’t choose someone to date based on whether or not they make good money, but you should choose someone to date based on whether or not they have goals and aspirations.

James Njoki, via email.

Realistically speaking, financial security and stability are key aspects in sustaining a viable relationship, but they not the only ones. You’re lucky that your man is an angel in every other sense except for the fact that he is not financially stable.

This should not get you thinking about leaving for a ‘better’ man. Going by the saying: better the devil you know than the angel you have never met, it is better if you considered joining hands with your man if you are in for love and finding means through which you can pay up the debts. Otherwise, is it guaranteed that the better man you purport to find will even match your likes?

Ci Mu, via email.

I think that man is taking advantage. Don’t accept to live with him as his wife now. He will be a burden to you. Most men of nowadays expects women to pay for their bills.

Don’t pay for anything any more. I feel he sees you as a walking bank. He should man up and be responsible. You definitely need to talk to him and tell him you are not comfortable paying for all bills. If he argues about it, then you need to drop him. Good luck. Sarah K. Jane, via email.

MAURICE REPLIES

The fact that you state that he claims to be a businessman tells me that you don’t know much about his sources of income. Financial stability is crucial but before you give up, I would advise that you state your conditions to him. You need to tell him that you would like to know the extent of his debt so that as his woman, you can work out a formula to get him back on his feet. If he is not willing to have a partnership in resolving issues, that will speak volumes in relation to your future with him.

The pasture is rarely greener on the other side so I would urge you to weather this storm on condition that he is willing to be in an inclusive relationship where you both map out your future together. If he refuses to adhere to your security needs and change, then you have every reason to abandon ship.

Next week’s dilemma

I am 24 years old. I have been with my boyfriend since we were in Form 2. I used to love him but these days I feel like he is stifling me. I am just about to graduate from university and I am already working. He is still studying for his degree in medicine. He doesn’t like it when I go out with friends from work.

He doesn’t like me hanging out with my girlfriends. He says he hates the way I dress nowadays, and that he hates that I have started wearing make-up.

I feel like he needs to grow up. We’re not in high school any more. Should I dump him and find someone more my class and style now?