Should I leave my husband?
She tormented me emotionally and was physically abusive to the children.
What you need to know:
- The other day I had drinks with my girlfriends at a restaurant and when my husband came home he hurled insults at me, saying that nowadays I have become like a barmaid.
- He also said that he doesn’t like my friends, that I should inform him before I go anywhere, and that I should behave like a wife and mother.
I have been married for five years and I and I have a four-year-old daughter.
My husband and I fight over small issues, which result in the silent treatment for some weeks, then we make up and fight again and the cycle continues.
My husband usually comes home after 10pm but on rare occasions when I come home after 7pm and happen to find him home, he kicks up a fuss. I feel bad because he sometimes goes on business trips without telling me, and I only come to find out later.
The other day I had drinks with my girlfriends at a restaurant and when my husband came home he hurled insults at me, saying that nowadays I have become like a barmaid.
He also said that he doesn’t like my friends, that I should inform him before I go anywhere, and that I should behave like a wife and mother.
My husband never takes me out or buys me gifts. I am tired of this drama and I feel like quitting this marriage. He never even paid dowry for me and I have been patient with him for too long.
My only worry is that the separation might hurt our daughter because she is a daddy’s girl. Please help.
READERS’ ADVICE
From the look of things you and your husband are not talking to each other, rather you are talking at each other, which is a recipe for disaster.
You can start to arrest the situation by talking to your husband as soon as possible. Never talk about this dowry thing because it only makes the already bad situation worse, men don’t like that, and in any case it’s not your business to complain or ask about it. It makes men feel incomplete.
John Musuku.
Marriage calls for sacrifice from both parties. My advice to you is this: Be to your husband like a maid, he will be to you like a servant.
Apty Abrimo
Be the wife and mother you are supposed to be. Treat him like a king and he will do exactly that to you. Check your faults before complaining about how your husband is treating you and not treating you.
Submit to him and respect and honour will come your way.
James Mureithi
Be the wife you are supposed to be. Before you begin complaining look within and ensure you are what he is comfortable with.
Correct yourself first. You are not in a competition with your husband. There is no way you will ever tell someone to be something you are not.
Alicia Mariah
Expert advice
Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:
Your current relationship loop is common and requires a great deal of thought as you make your decisions.
As you have said, you are worried about your daughter’s connection to her father which is understandable. That said, you must also think about your psychological health in your marriage.
It is clear that you are not happy and the question is for long you will ride the wave before the stress gets to you.
A stressed mother is not a productive mother so you need to consider yourself, otherwise based on your testimony, you will live in a loop where you will always get the short end of the straw.
Whether your husband paid dowry or not is neither here nor there. The question is whether he is in love with you. Are you living a marriage of convenience is what you need to confirm.
It may be a societal norm but it is not your role as a wife to stay at home as your husband gallivants out there. It is critical that you confirm your true relationship status so that you can decide on your next move hoping that your husband will be forthcoming with the truth about how he really feels about you and if your marriage is worth sustaining.
Next week’s dilemma: I have been in a relationship with a married guy on and off for eight years now.
We have a three-year-old daughter who he has seen on only three occasions. He has also hasn’t done anything much for her, save for Sh2, 000 he sends on very rare occasions.
He doesn’t care about what his daughter eats or whether she goes to school. Even when she falls sick and I tell him about it, he just says “okay.”
I feel bad because this man earns a fortune and his children attend international schools, yet my daughter goes to a school in the slum because I don’t earn much.
I have tried talking to him to help me pay school fees but he is very non-committal. I never push him to do anything for his daughter because I believe if someone wants to support his children, he will do so without being forced.
He calls when he feels like it and he never even bothers to ask about the baby. What should I do?
