Sleeping on the job

I recently came across an innovation called an ostrich pillow. It looks like a cross between a motorbike helmet and a football sock, and is designed to help you have a comfortable nap, wherever you might find yourself. It is particularly useful for enjoying a power nap in the office.

Yes, apparently, a short siesta in the middle of the day is the secret of geniuses and the rich and powerful. Everyone knows how to batten down the hatches and get their beauty rest in the dark hours of the night, but only the very special know how to grab their forty winks in the middle of the day.

People as far apart in history as Charlemagne, the King of the Franks, and Sir Winston Churchill knew the power of dozing off in the daytime at the very moment that the circadian rhythm is overcome by the homeostatic drive for sleep. And apparently, people who take such naps are far less likely to suffer a heart attack – that is, unless their boss catches them doing it!  Although I am told it is possible to save yourself from this embarrassing moment by gently whispering “Amen” before looking up to meet your boss’ accusing eyes!

You may not think that the workplace is an ideal place to sleep. However, sleep authors Jim Loehr and Tony Schwarz claim that “for the highest quality of sleep, you need to be both physically and mentally drained.” Add “emotionally drained” and the workplace becomes the perfect place for the highest standards of sleep.

ART OF SLEEPING

Bird pillow or not, the open office may not be the best place for a comfortable doze, but if you can learn to get your shut-eye without shutting your eyes, drooling, collapsing your neck, or making strange roaring noises through your nostrils, you might just make it. Many workers even manage to have a stealthy sleep during an office meeting.

Indeed, if you wake up suddenly in that situation and find everyone staring at you, all you need to do is say something like, “I’m trying my best to think it through but I can’t find the link between that last suggestion and the strategic plan!” As Albert Camus famously said, “Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.”

Of course some people have taken the act of sleeping on the job beyond the short period of shut-eye. George Tzortzis, an American former public sector worker, managed to lease his flat out (on Airbnb) for six months at a profit of Sh2.5 million by sleeping in the office. However, there are some jobs that are completely incompatible with a habit of nodding off; pilots, air traffic controllers, PSV drivers, ICU nurses and night security guards come to mind. Their short periods of rest could result in permanent sleep for their clients!

There are other risks to workplace dozing. Not everyone sleeps neatly in one spot. A substantial proportion of the population talks, screams, walks, sends text messages (no wonder so many incomprehensible ones arrive in the dead of night), drives and even prepares and eats meals while asleep. What office sleepers who suffer from these sleep disorders are achieving even at this moment is mindboggling. As the novelist Anthony Burgess quipped, “Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”

The rich and famous need their power naps because they get so little sleep at night. On the other hand, geniuses like Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla barely slept at all. Margaret Thatcher and Donald Trump apparently make do on three hours (in his case, it shows.) Silvio Berlusconi can only carve four hours out of his busy schedule.

Five hours were enough for Mozart, while President Barack Obama subsists on a generous six hours! On the other end of the scale, musician Mariah Carey apparently needs 15 hours and 20 humidifiers to keep her voice and her beauty! At this moment I am too ready for some high-quality sleep to worry about sleeping too much for power and fame!

Get some well-deserved shut-eye this weekend.