PLAIN TRUTH: Sometimes a compliment really is just a compliment

There are vile, predatory men out there, but let’s not make them synonymous with manhood. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • In the recent past, especially, there has been a lot of talk about sexual harassment at work; every other women you meet on the street has been a victim of street harassment, and so I get where a reaction like this would come from.
  • A little bit. Maybe she has been harassed in the past and thus has her guard always up. Maybe.

It was a Friday evening a few weeks ago. A bunch of writers from around Africa and I were having a final dinner after a week of working together.

One of the men from West Africa told a woman, also from West Africa, that her hair looked nice.

There was a moment of silence before she exploded. She was upset about many things – that he wanted to compliment her, that he had singled her out and thus must be trying to get into her panties, and even that he had on opinion on her hair style.

And she said all of this shouting, too. It was embarrassing.

While I haven’t ‘exploded’ on anyone yet, I have been this woman who overthought a compliment. “What does he want now?” “Is he a creep?” “Is he being genuine?”

In the recent past, especially, there has been a lot of talk about sexual harassment at work; every other women you meet on the street has been a victim of street harassment, and so I get where a reaction like this would come from.

A little bit. Maybe she has been harassed in the past and thus has her guard always up. Maybe.

It’s easy, amidst all this madness of men behaving badly, to forget there are still good men out there.

That there still men who will give a woman a good old compliment because it is fact, not because he expects favours in return or that he is trying to dominate her.

It is true that there are vile, predatory men out there who should by all means be held accountable for their actions, but let us not make these negative things synonymous with manhood or masculinity.

There are normal, caring and decent men out there. And I want to believe that these are the majority.

The next time a man gives you a compliment, and if he is not obviously being inappropriate, instead of overthinking it, try taking it in your stride. Maybe he is not trying to tell you anything else. Listen.

If he says your hair looks nice, hear that. Don’t hear a man trying to pick you up or a harass you.

Let’s defend good men. And let’s change our tactics for dealing with sexual harassment. While it’s nice that we are finally talking about sexual harassment, more needs to be done.

It is nice that women are baring their souls but these are conversations that men, especially, need to have. From where I stand, the average Kenyan man doesn’t even have a clear understanding of what is classified as sexual harassment.

There needs to be action to ensure that harassment doesn’t happen in the first place. Men in positions of power, male mentors, are best placed to effect this action. It is now their turn to call other men out.