PLAIN TRUTH: Take the power out of revenge attacks

Just last week, Rob Kardashian, an American television personality, surprised netizens with intimate photographs of his child’s mother, Blac Chyna . PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • Just last week, Rob Kardashian, an American television personality, surprised netizens with intimate photographs of his child’s mother, Blac Chyna .
  • Closer home and just a week before this meltdown, naked photographs of local socialite Vera Sidika were leaked online, allegedly by an ex-lover, while in the midst of a messy break-up.

A few years ago, if you broke off a romance with a man with poor anger management skills, he was likely to physically attack you – or, depending on your location, splash acid on your face. Today, men of an unstable nature are resorting to a different, easier and much more accessible form or revenge: revenge porn. This is where he shares, whether on social media, messaging services such as WhatsApp or Telegram, or even on websites, sexually explicit images or videos of his ex, alongside details like her number or work or home address in a bid to punish her for ending the relationship.

Just last week, Rob Kardashian, an American television personality, surprised netizens with intimate photographs of his child’s mother, Blac Chyna . Closer home and just a week before this meltdown, naked photographs of local socialite Vera Sidika were leaked online, allegedly by an ex-lover, while in the midst of a messy break-up.

Too many women have fallen victim. And after the initial shock and humiliation of having one’s private parts seen by thousands, there will be months, maybe even years of slut shaming, lost opportunities and attempts at damage control. Interestingly, when it happens, blame is heaped on the victim. “Why was she taking those pictures in the first place? When will people learn?” other women will ask. We forget that most of the time, these photos and videos are taken in situations where a woman feels safe and by a person that they trust.

For a woman who finds herself on the receiving end of revenge porn, you can document it and pursue legal action. You can also ask that the photos be pulled down by whatever site they were posted on – although this might or might not work seeing as once an image is posted, there could be tens of people with downloads and screen shots of it within minutes. Once it’s posted, even the poster loses control of it.

The most powerful weapon a woman can have against this form of attack, however, is a changed mindset. If you find yourself on the receiving end of it, do not even for a second think that you are to blame. You may have created the said content and shared it with a person you trusted but you still deserve to be treated with respect. You did nothing wrong. Even if a woman is a socialite, she has a right to decide if, when and where she is sexualised.

The reason revenge porn is such a powerful weapon against women is the feelings of shame that we attach to our bodies. Your body is not dirty. It is not offensive. Once women change their perception of their bodies, once they claim their bodies back, then our bodies cease being weapons that others can use against us.

And while we tell women not to take naked pictures, let us also tell men that they are not entitled to sexualise women, and that they should respect consent even in the online realm.