The truth about the stag party

What you need to know:

  • Here are the facts on whether or not that wild night out is a threat to your wedding.

Last December, *Morris Munene together with a group of close friends organised a bachelor party for a friend the weekend before his walk down the aisle. It was planned as a surprise for the groom-to-be. “The perfect send off,” are the words Morris uses to describe the party.

They got a private room in a hotel in town and hired a couple of strippers ‘to liven up the night’. The party began with drinking to ease the mood. Then came the teasing and lap dancing, with the girls giving the most attention to the man of the night, the groom-to-be.

“The party is thrown in honour of the man about to wed. It is meant to be his last night of freedom as a bachelor and an opportunity for him to bond with the guys,” Morris explains.

Initially, the man of the night wasn’t exactly thrilled at the lap dancing.

“But with all the alcohol, pressure, cheering and taunting, and not wanting to disappoint the planners, he just went along with it.”

A cheat will cheat

Due to the binge drinking and nudity that is associated with these parties, not to mention the notoriety that is portrayed on movies and films, the stag party isn’t popular with women.

The thought of her future husband having one is enough to make a bride wince. Often she will have doubts and fears about her significant other succumbing to temptation and cheating on her.

“Sex with the entertainers isn’t the norm for a bachelor party but it does happen,” admits *Julius Mutei.

Though he had a civil wedding and didn’t throw a stag party, Julius reveals that he has been to a number of such parties. He says that they tend to be rowdy and all sorts of things happen.

“It is easy to cross the boundaries,” he says.

He however maintains that whether a man decides to cheat or not all goes back to his personality and whether or not he is satisfied with his current relationship; it has little to do with the party.

The man’s friends may have organised it and even egged him on but at the end of it all, the ball is in his court.

“Party or no party, a cheat will cheat,” Julius says.

Married friends

The groom-to-be may be the centre of attention but other attendees are just as likely to cross the line during the bachelor party.

“The stag party is just a fun moment and the impending marriage is the main point. Attendees are usually close friends of the groom; men who have a sense of loyalty to each other and have each other’s best interests at heart. At the end of it all, we want him to have an honest start to a happy marriage,” Julius explains.

The stag party is intended to tease and taunt a man for all he will be losing and at the same time convince him that he is ready to take the next step. He will be entertained and danced for but he knows that after this night only his wife is supposed to do those things for him.

According to Julius: “The strippers or entertainers are there for all the other attendees as well and the best man is usually on the lookout so that the groom doesn’t get carried away. It was only once that I saw the groom request for private services at the strip club where we held his party. Usually, the groom enjoys the night but is restrained.”

He has however witnessed instances where other attendees, including married or men in committed relationships cross the boundaries or leave the venue with a woman.

The code of secrecy

The bachelor party comes with an unwritten code of secrecy for the attendees. One is expected not to discuss the details with third parties, including the bride-to-be or their own partners.

“Just because a man won’t talk about it doesn’t mean that he misbehaved. What happens at the stag, stays at the stag. It’s a guy thing,” says 30-year-old *Allan Indiza.

He speaks about a stag night held for a close friend of his. They agreed beforehand that nobody was going to take any pictures or videos.

“There was no premeditation or intention to indulge in activities that could hurt future or current relationships. But it is an all guys night and things can spin out of control. What may seem like an innocent moment might come across as something totally different to a significant other who was not at the event,” he argues.

The night began with dinner before the men went on a trail of partying and club hopping which ended in a fast food joint at four in the morning.

“There was a beer drinking competition and even a visit to a strip club at some point but apart from the goofing, the throwing up and the hangover the day after, there wasn’t any permanent damage done,” he says.

“Each party has its own pulse. Some clients prefer a mellow atmosphere while some are wild and raunchy. Some of the things that happen at many of these events can break a marriage that has hardly began if they are spoken about,” says 24-year-old *Cathy, a dancer who has entertained at several bachelor parties.

Is the stag something that the bride ought to be wary about?

“A group can get rowdy but from what I’ve seen, usually, the grooms-to-be do not over indulge,” she says. “I don’t think a lap dance is a serious threat to the wedding. It can’t change a man’s mind about marrying.

“The atmosphere is usually controlled and even if a man chooses to get involved with an entertainer he knows that she is there because she is being paid.”

The bachelor party is usually planned by men close to the groom-to-be but its tone is dictated by his personality and wishes. While strippers and untamed partying often feature at these parties, some men opt to celebrate the groom in a different fashion.

The tame

For men like Dominic Oduogi, the bachelor party is meant to celebrate the groom’s passage from singlehood to the more demanding married life and doesn’t include overdoing the alcohol or scantily dressed women.

“I have never been interested in strip clubs or untamed nights out and my bachelor weekend involved none of these,” he says.

The boys, comprised of his brothers, male cousins and close friends, took a trip out of town for this event. The weekend entailed enjoying each other’s company and bonding; something that they knew he would have less time for after the wedding.

“The two evenings we spent in the bush were spent around a bonfire, with them making fun of me and sharing jokes about married life to blow off any jitters I may have had.

The wedding was perfect but this weekend was the highlight of the process for me. I would not have had it any other way,” he says.

(*Names have been changed to protect identity)