Want the man who broke up with you to feel the burn? What are the best ways to do this?

You were the perfect woman. You waited on your man, loved him, stayed silent because he liked it and even stepped aside from the spot light so that he could shine.

Then he left you and broke your heart and now he’s moved on like you never existed. You’ve been told to leave it to karma. That time will make it all better.

But this isn’t what you are looking for. You want justice. You want to make him feel as bad as you are feeling and you do not want to wait for time. What’s the best way to make him regret leaving you?

HURTING YOURSELF

You want to do some serious damage to this man who ripped out your heart and walked all over it. In the heat of the moment, destroying his belongings can seem like a really good idea.

True, smashing the windscreen of his new car or burning all his expensive suits will give you a rush of adrenaline. But this lasts for only a few hours and then the hurt comes back stronger than before.

If you are emotional like most women, you might resort to hurting yourself in a bid to show him how much pain you’re in and get an empathetic reaction from him – like chopping off your hair or quitting that job that you worked so hard for. But as 28-year-old Janet Wange who cut her permed hair after a break-up will tell you, that will only leave you feeling worse.

So how do you make your ex feel bad about leaving you?

“Get a new, better-looking man. Your ex will come back running to you and you have the opportunity of rejecting him and making him feel exactly how you felt,” 29-year-old Lucy Wacera answers.

Lucy is in a relationship which she is confident is leading her to the altar. Before she met her current boyfriend, she dated a man who dumped her abruptly after four years.

She promptly got into a ‘relationship’ with a man she considered more attractive and updated every hour of that relationship  on social media. She believes that her plan worked because, ‘He started calling and texting. He wanted me back.”

Did he? Is getting with a hot, new man the ultimate revenge on your ex? We asked a few men whether this plan would work. Turns out that it won’t.

Seeing your ex with a more attractive woman is probably a big fear for women but not for men. “If I see my ex with a new man, I will not feel jealous or want her back. In my mind, I’ve already had her. If she is his choice now, good for him,” says Alex Kitui, a nurse.

When you take up this plan, you are only projecting your fears to him. Ultimately, you end up hurt, not him. This is a bad plan that ends up only hurting you.

The internet makes it extremely tempting for a scorned woman to expose her ex to the masses. You can tell about how he cheated on you, how bad he was in bed or how he couldn’t provide and truth is, he may be a little hurt and embarrassed.

What most women do not realise is that as you are busy exposing him, you also expose yourself. You expose your stupidity, immaturity, your personality and how poorly you handle situations.

He may be to blame but even the anger you feel is no excuse for this. What’s worse, if your ex is smart, he may seize the moment to help him justify the break-up. After all, you are crazy and the whole world can see it. In the end, your exposure ends up speaking more about you than it does about him.

Samuel, a gym trainer, weighs in on this revenge option, “Men aren’t as sensational as women. When a man is exposed on social media, his friends might think it’s funny but unlike women, they don’t dwell on it. It’s soon forgotten.”

SUCCESS IS BEST

What then is the best form of revenge?

“Success is the best form of revenge,” says Donna a 28-year-old journalist. She should know; what started as a simple revenge plan to get back at her ex ended up becoming the path to her passion. Four years ago, she was a college student when her then boyfriend cheated on her, blamed her for it and then broke up with her.

“He was my first love. It was devastating. When I saw the girl he cheated with, I felt that maybe I wasn’t good enough so I set out to improve myself.”

Donna cut her hair, dyed it and then got a wardrobe makeover. Even then, she still didn’t feel good enough so she borrowed a loan and vied for the university’s secretary general seat.

She got it. “Finally, I was feeling like I mattered again. Being a student organisation official made me feel powerful. This post was what got me to editing the university newspaper where I found my passion for journalism,” she says.

She reckons that this strategy worked for her because it was coming from a place of self-love rather than bitterness.

Success seems like an effective form of revenge. The anger and bitterness may have fuelled it but along the way, you need to give these up so that they do not harm you. In the end, it should only be about you.