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PLAIN TRUTH: What would the woman who loves herself do?

Friday September 1 2017

How you treat yourself sets the tone for how

How you treat yourself sets the tone for how others treat you. Make sure you treat yourself well even when things are not going so well. . PHOTO | FILE 

By JOAN THATIAH
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What happens when a woman finds out that she has been betrayed? When she realises that her friendship with that woman she values so much is toxic, that her friend is only taking from her and slowing her down and not adding value to her life? What happens when a woman realises that the man she thought was the love of her life is a fraud? Usually, this woman will look inward. Thereafter, there will be anger and blame, usually heaped on herself. Then she will embark on fixing herself or the situation all by herself, because she believes this is what is expected of her.

A woman will get stuck here, on the things she should do and the ones she has failed at. However, what a woman who finds herself hurt, disappointed or taken advantage of should do is ask herself this very sobering question: What would a woman who loves herself do?

She will not sacrifice her friendships because her friends are good looking and she is afraid her man might catch the wandering eye. She will not build her life around another person. She will not judge herself based on perceptions of those around her. A woman who loves herself will work on her life, build it and let others fit into it. She will not drop everything and run every time that man she is seeing calls; her schedule will not revolve around another. A woman who loves herself ignores societal dictates and takes time out to understand her personal needs, and to tend to them.

GO ON AND GET A LIFE

Instead of sitting on your couch for hours waiting for him to call, get a life. Go out and do something that you enjoy doing. If you are in a relationship that is not adding any value to you, love yourself enough to walk away. A woman that loves and values herself will also be able to ask more of a relationship. Let than man chase you. Don’t go to the gym just because your man said you need to while he sits on the couch tending to his pot belly. Only do it because you want to.

Love yourself unconditionally and enough to put yourself first. Seeing as the Kenyan girl is socialised to put others first, to never wander too far away from home because she must always think about those she leaves behind, prioritising your needs may not come naturally. You might need to make a conscious effort to get there. Start with baby steps. Start by believing that loving yourself is not selfish.

It’s true what they say: to be able to say ‘I love you’, you must be able to say the ‘I’ first. If you can do this, it will be easier for those around you to also love you. They won’t have a choice, really.