SEXUAL HEALTH: When hormones rule

When Jane entered the consultation room, I found myself standing up and bowing in respect. She had an intimidating personality and body structure. She was tall and elegant, expensively dressed and walked with majestic grace. “I am 35, a single mother, very responsible until two weeks ago when hell broke loose,” she told me. She was a lawyer running a private practice. Her only child was eight years old.

“So tell me about this hell,” I said, encouraging her to bare her heart.

“Why would a mother use the school fees for her child to buy a gift for a man whom she barely knows anything about? Why would she run around the streets in the middle of the night trying to trace the whereabouts of the man?” she asked.

BIOLOGICAL DRIVE

The story was that Jane had attended a graduation party three weeks before and met a man whom she instantly fell in love with. Since that day, however, she had spent most of her time texting and calling the man, buying gifts and looking for him in restaurants to share dinner and drinks. She spent every penny she had including school fees for her child on the man. She thought she had gone bananas.

Jane was going through a stage of lust, the first stage in love and romance. It is a stage with great biological drive in which the victim loses control of her behaviour.

The brain releases a number of hormones when lust strikes, including dopamine and serotonin. These hormones are powerful and take over control of our behaviour.

“I have already had unprotected sex with him, I could be pregnant or even been infected with HIV, but I don’t care. I will do anything to have him,” she proclaimed.

Researchers have compared the brains of cocaine addicts and those of people in the lust stage of love, and they show great similarities.

Affected persons show compulsive behaviour, some of which can be dangerous. Similar brain activities are seen in maniacs.

It is true when people claim to be madly in love, biologically their brains are and they become irrational and care the least what the world thinks of them.

NATURE’S TRICK

Lust is nature’s trick for perpetuating our genes by driving us to hollow intimacy, sex and reproduction. There is nothing abnormal about it. We just need to be aware of it and hopefully, maintain a little sanity when it hits.

The lust drive commonly ends up in several bouts of sex. When it hits, you will defy your religion, your parents and your long-term friends and just obey the forces of nature. Anybody trying to put sense in your head becomes your enemy and is instantly reported to your newfound lover. People have resigned from their jobs, eloped, and dumped their children and even husbands, all for the pleasures of the moment.

“I hear you but also I must confess that I love the guy. I am not being foolish, he is just the one God made for me. I have never felt like this before,” Jane interrupted.

Unfortunately the hormones that drive lust do not last forever. They soon dry up and societal norms and expectations set it. Reality hits that man shall not live on love alone; that work, relatives and friends are part of life; that the one you fell in love with is a human being with weaknesses and not a superhuman.

It soon dawns on you that sex has its place in life and is not everything. You soon learn that unsafe sex has consequences. You may be delivering a baby at that time. Sanity resumes. Bad men run away from responsibility and forsake women at that time and the consequences of lust live with the woman forever.

“Oops, reminds me of the father of my first baby,” said Jane sadly. “He took off when he realised I was pregnant. I went into depression and attempted suicide several times!”

One would rationally argue that once bitten, Jane would be shy to fall into the same trap in this second encounter with a man. Unfortunately this is not the case. When hormones of lust take control, you lose reason and history repeats itself.

The solution lies in understanding the biology of love. When it happens to you, just understand what your body is going through and try to mitigate the undesirable consequences by bringing in some reason. The one powerful thing you can do is to delay sex till you are sure that nature is driving you in the right direction.

“Good advice doctor but what about my case now that I have indulged and enjoyed the fruits of nature?” Jane asked, smiling.

Well, it is never too late. A pregnancy test and HIV test can help in planning. A chat with your man about your future is also helpful. Where lust has driven you into so much madness that you cannot reason together, getting a relationship mentor does help.