Where does our help come from?
Star Congolese rumba singer Koffi Olomide, who was expelled from Kenya at the weekend after allegedly kicking one of his dancers. What is it that he did that we do not see in our homes each day, and for which no action is taken – by the same Government? PHOTO | FILE
What you need to know:
- “Who does not know that the Governor of Nairobi slapped the Women’s Rep and still continues to be in office to this day?” shouted a member from the back. “And what happened to the Member of Parliament who was accused of raping a woman? Why did he not step down until the case is resolved,” asked the vice chairperson.
- Two out of every five women has experienced violence in one form or the other. Perpetrators are usually the people close to the woman, like her husband or lover.
- Many women are today depressed, suffering low self-esteem, shame and guilt, and rarely sleep at night because they are humiliated by the people they love.
It has been a while since chama members invited me to their meetings. I was therefore pleasantly surprised when I got a call last Friday inviting me for an emergency meeting on Saturday. For your information, chama is a women’s only welfare group of which I am the only male member. I am invited to meetings when matters of sex are on the agenda for me to provide the perspective of a sexologist.
I was at the venue on time. The meeting was house full. About 50 chama members were already seated. They were all dressed in red.
There was silence, scarily so. They stood up when I entered the room and remained standing and so I remained standing too. None of them was smiling at me unlike during previous meetings.
“We are upset that some holier-than-thou individuals in Government arrested and deported Koffi Olomide!” said the chairperson. “What is it that he did that we do not see in our homes each day, and for which no action is taken – by the same Government?”
She was referring to an incident in which the Congolese musician Koffi Olomide physically assaulted one of his dancers. The incident sparked outrage on social media, and he was arrested and deported.
RAMPANT VIOLENCE
“Who does not know that the Governor of Nairobi slapped the Women’s Rep and still continues to be in office to this day?” shouted a member from the back. “And what happened to the Member of Parliament who was accused of raping a woman? Why did he not step down until the case is resolved,” asked the vice chairperson.
“Are we going to stand throughout?” I whispered in the chairperson’s ear.
“We cannot pretend to be seated and comfortable when women in this country are facing violence each day and deporting foreigners yet doing nothing to resolve the problem at home,” the chairperson shouted. I nodded and timidly cleared my voice to talk while everyone remained standing.
Well, gender based violence is quite rampant in Kenya, and there are many forms.
Two out of every five women has experienced violence in one form or the other. Perpetrators are usually the people close to the woman, like her husband or lover. Family members, friends, neighbours, professional colleagues and helpers are also guilty of meting violence on women. “My boss at work treats me so badly simply because I am a woman!” exclaimed a member, “They would rather promote a man because I refused to yield to their sexual demands!”
A lot happens in the confines of our homes and most of it remains secret. Gender based violence can lead to death. High profile cases like that of Oscar Pistorious illustrate this.
Although physical violence is still common, sexual violence in the form of rape – in and out of marriage – as well as other forms of non-consensual sex happen. Men also know that that the law can catch up with them when they physically or sexually assault women, so most are resorting to emotional and psychological torture. Emotional blackmail, including withholding affection, as well as psychological pressure and control are common.
ABUSED WOMEN
“Accepting a subordinate position in your own house irrespective of the contribution you are making in supporting the family is what our communities call being a ‘good wife’,” a member interjected.
Many women are today depressed, suffering low self-esteem, shame and guilt, and rarely sleep at night because they are humiliated by the people they love. They are afraid to leave their marital homes because they fear for their children. Their own children do not trust them because of the way the head of the family views them.
There was commotion at this point. A chama member who seemed to have been shedding tears fainted. The session stopped abruptly as we all ran over to help her. Members said that she is among the women who had suffered violence from her husband and in-laws who called her a witch. It seems she could not cope with the discussion we were having.
By the time we were done with resuscitation it was too late to continue the meeting.
Just like communities remain in limbo, unsure of how to tackle the GBV monster, chama members went home with many unanswered questions. Maybe those who deported Koffi Olomide will act and get them answers.
