Why some new marriages fail fast

It is no longer shocking to see once happy couples going their separate ways shortly after the pomp and colour of their dream weddings. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • According to Patrick Musau, a psychologist, this in turn leads to marriages where the partners are more compatible and able to deal with the complexities of marriage.
  • “They have not rushed into marriage, and when they finally get married, they do it with the right person and for the right reasons,” he explains.

It is no longer shocking to see once happy couples going their separate ways shortly after the pomp and colour of their dream weddings. In fact, nowadays, many new marriages seem to have the lifespan of a burning candle. What remains mysterious, though is what causes newly-married couples that had successful dating phases to head to divorce court. Today, Saturday Magazine explores this phenomenon.

 According to Kate Figes, the author of Couples: The Truth, whether a new couple will stick together or not often depends on why they decided to get married in the first place.

 “If the reason behind their decision to get married is fueled by the desire for an expensive wedding, stardom, romanticised notions of finding a soul mate, or imagined security in marriage, they are likely to be in for a speedy separation,” she says. 

Ken Munyua, a psychologist, adds that many young couples join the marriage bandwagon under the illusion that it will fix their personal or relationship problems.

 “However, they discover that marriage is just the beginning of a fresh, more complex process of relating,” he says.

DISILLUSIONMENT

His sentiments are echoed by Susanna Abse, a psychotherapist and author, who points out that the biggest issue is whether a new young marriage can tolerate the process of disillusionment.

“The central question is, can the new couple face up to the limitations that all long-term relationships have to go through and the deflation of the perceptions they had about marriage?” she poses.

Further, according to a study on divorce in Kenya conducted by Canada’s McGill University, the probability of divorce falls by at least 9.5 per cent among women who marry five years later than their peers, due to greater maturity and spousal self-selection.

According to Patrick Musau, a psychologist, this in turn leads to marriages where the partners are more compatible and able to deal with the complexities of marriage.

“They have not rushed into marriage, and when they finally get married, they do it with the right person and for the right reasons,” he explains.

 Another study on divorce and separation conducted by Centre for Health Statistics in the US, found that at least 20 per cent of marriages end within the first five years. Over 30 per cent of marriages end within 10 years while over 40 per cent of marriages end in separation within 15 years. According to Musau, a significant number of divorcing couples have no children. “Most couples with children tend to stick together for the sake of the children, but if there are none, it is easier to go separate ways,” he says. 

 According to Larry Light, the author of Taming the Beast, nearly all sources of conflict in a new marriage have a financial aspect to them.

“Young couples fail to plough through things such as personal assets, financial planning, cash flows, personal financial situations yet they are the most critical in the survival of a new marriage,” he says.