SEXUAL HEALTH: You can ditch the blue pill

Erectile dysfunction can be cured through other means, not just medication. PHOTO| FILE |NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • Every woman wants her husband to function adequately and satisfy her.” Her problem was that Viagra had totally changed the dynamics of the relationship and she did not like it.
  • Peter, a 60-year-old businessman, has three children and been in a happy marriage until he developed erectile dysfunction (ED).
  • The advent of Viagra and other similar drugs for the treatment of ED has totally changed the way sex is viewed in relationships.
  • ED has many causes and treatment should be directed at the cause rather than the symptom.

Rhoda came to the sexology clinic with her mind made up: She wanted me to find a way of stopping her husband, Peter, from using Viagra without causing disharmony in the marriage. Viagra is a drug that is used to treat erectile dysfunction – the failure to have erection of the penis totally or partially.

“I am not saying that I was happy with his flabby thing before he started munching the pill,” Rhoda explained. “Every woman wants her husband to function adequately and satisfy her.” Her problem was that Viagra had totally changed the dynamics of the relationship and she did not like it. “Marriage is far bigger than penetration by an erect penis,” she explained. “I want my marriage back.” I nodded in understanding.

THE PILL’S EFFECT ON RELATIONSHIPS

Rhoda, a 42-year-old high school teacher, had been married for 13 years to Peter, a 60-year-old businessman. They had three children and had been happy until Peter developed erectile dysfunction (ED).

Peter was devastated, anxious, stressed and embarrassed, despite Rhoda’s assurances. When he could not bear it anymore he went to a doctor in a private clinic in their small shopping centre and poured his heart out. The doctor gave him Viagra and to his amazement the small blue pill did magic. The incidences of ED markedly reduced.

“But that was the beginning of the deterioration in intimacy,” Rhoda explained. “Sex became hurried and mechanical.”

Peter’s view of sex totally changed. Whenever he got an erection he rushed into penetration. He would then grind on and on like a machine for hours on end.

“It is a depressing experience for a woman; please help me get back the intimacy that my I enjoyed with my husband. The blue pill has stolen my love,” Rhoda lamented.

INTIMACY MAKES THE CORE OF A RELATIONSHIP

Rhoda is not alone. The advent of Viagra and other similar drugs for the treatment of ED has totally changed the way sex is viewed in relationships. Look at it this way: in your youth you had little experience with sex. You probably rushed into penetration with little or no foreplay, fumbled back and forth and had premature ejaculation. Things changed over the years. You learnt to romance and had prolonged foreplay, which did not necessarily end in penetrative sex. You enjoyed the pleasure of your partner and this increased your intimacy. With increased intimacy you had better communication, you were of the same mind and spirit and you understood each other pretty well.

“Very correct doctor! That is what has vanished from our relationship,” Rhoda nodded vigorously.

For most women, this intimacy makes the core of a relationship and penetrative sex is only the icing on the cake. Viagra however focuses the mind on erection and penetration. The man forgets that the woman’s need is for love and intimacy rather than mechanical penetration. “How do you then handle a man with ED so that they remain loving even if the ED is being treated, and stop focusing on his penis as the most important thing in sex?” Rhoda asked.
ED has many causes and treatment should be directed at the cause rather than the symptom. Sexologists go the extra mile to find out the cause and cure it, and also coach the couple on intimacy.

Viagra is normally prescribed on an interim basis as a more comprehensive approach to treatment is pursued. It was prudent that Rhoda bring Peter along to the clinic to be examined.

Peter had a thorough medical and sexual history, examination and laboratory tests. It turned out that he had been having high blood pressure and had been put on medicine that had ED as a side effect. The first step was to change the anti-hypertensive medicine to one that did not affect erection. Viagra was also stopped.

The couple then had a four-week intimacy coaching programme to recreate their love. They were fast in growing again in intimacy again although it took a while before satisfactory erections returned. Rhoda did not mind waiting while enjoying the intimacy and romance of man she loved. Peter’s erections returned fully after three months.