Child support is not compensation

Children are not a means for you to trap a rich man into financing the expensive lifestyle you want to live. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • When Mama Abby came out a few weeks ago suing the Deputy President for child support, he came out to defend himself saying that he had gotten the woman a job and was paying Sh40, 000 as monthly child support.
  • Kenyans felt that this amount was too little, and that Mama Abby is owed a certain standard of living for having a child with the deputy president.

Ladies, child support is not money for your manicure, your hair or to glam up your wardrobe. It isn’t money for you to use to keep up appearances. It is money for use to meet your child or children’s needs.

Now, motherhood is a beautiful thing, and there are women out there who work hard to raise their children with or without the father’s support. They are an amazing breed of women. On the flip side, there are those other women who do not want to put in the effort. Who want to use their children as weapons as avenues for them to earn a living; those women who deliberately have children with wealthy men so they do not have to work.

I know one or two of these women. I had a candid sit-down with one a few months ago. She was very well put together, had obviously refined tastes… but her offspring looked neglected, wearing worn shoes and clothes that did not quite fit. I was bold enough to ask. She told me that the money she got wasn’t enough, never mind that it seemed enough for her to look good.

“Their fathers don’t know how expensive life is in this town,” she told me.

“Then why don’t you get a job?” I silently wondered.

 I agree. Life is expensive. But wouldn’t you still need to pay a big chunk of those bills that you are paying now even if you didn’t have children? Wouldn’t you still need to pay your rent or food bills then?

STOP FREELOADING

When Mama Abby came out a few weeks ago suing the Deputy President for child support, he came out to defend himself saying that he had gotten the woman a job and was paying Sh40, 000 as monthly child support. Kenyans felt that this amount was too little, and that Mama Abby is owed a certain standard of living for having a child with the deputy president.

I disagree. Motherhood is not a chore for which a woman should expect payment from the man who sires her children. If you are one of the lucky women who gets push presents following delivery, good for you. If you aren’t, do not expect compensation for giving birth or for parenting your children. If you feel that your ex-husband should maintain your lifestyle, then sue for alimony. Otherwise, find a way to earn maintenance for yourself.

Child support should not be your only source of income. Set a good example for your children. Let your son see that women are not weak and vain, that they can work, that women can be gainfully employed, or that they can run successful businesses. How else will your daughter learn that money does not have to come from a man? That she can earn her own?

Stop freeloading. Parenting is a 50-50 job. Do your part. If women took a bigger responsibility for their children, I believe that they would reproduce more thoughtfully.