PLAIN TRUTH: Sister let that man go

I overhead a conversation the other day; it was between two ex-lovers who were airing their views about their broken relationship.

First, he admitted to cheating on her repeatedly. She broke down. He apologised for hurting her. She wanted to know why he cheated and why he lied to her.

“You were a perfect girlfriend. There is nothing you could have done different to change the things that happened. I just wasn’t ready to commit,” he told her.

I think this is the most profound and honest thing I have heard in a while. It is something that a lot of women need to hear. For the average woman, the end of a relationship is usually riddled with guilt. Guilt that she didn’t do better, that it is her fault that the relationship failed.

I met this young woman the other day whose three year-long marriage had just ended. Even though she confesses that she did all she could, she just can’t shake off that feeling that she should have done more.

She carries the blame, even for the fact that her ex didn’t want to go for couples counselling. It shouldn’t be liken this. One person can’t be solely responsible for the fate of a relationship. How far off the ground a relationship gets should be on both parties involved.

The other thing we need to talk about is the mistaken belief which a lot of women have, that all relationships should lead to the altar. That we should always date with the purpose of a long-term commitment.

The truth is that not all relationships can lead to that coveted walk down the aisle. Not all relationships should – like those ones where there is abuse, where you are continually unhappy or where you are doing all the work.

Some relationships will exist to teach you about the things you do not want in a relationship, others will teach you things about yourself that you weren’t aware of. Some relationships will teach you to value yourself a little more.

Some will come with deep lessons, others with easy ones. If you keep your eyes open, no relationship will be a waste of time. Each one will teach you something.

The good news is that as a woman, your intuition is strong. When it is time to walk away from a relationship, you will feel it deep down in the pit of your stomach. Cry about it if you need to, but if it is time, walk away.

This is how I look at it: every extra minute you spend in that doomed, non-functioning relationship is a minute more away from a relationship with a man who actually loves you and respects you, a minute longer away from a relationship in which you will thrive.

They say that you should not let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you. I agree.