RESEARCH CENTRE: Why you should get him to love your parents

It doesn’t matter what your family or his family think about your relationship. It only matters what the two of you feel about each other, right? Well, wrong, at least according to science. The findings of an interesting new study suggest that how well you get along with your in-laws could be the secret to a successful marriage. Apparently, your man’s relationship with your parents is even more vital to the success of your relationship.

For the study, researchers from the University of Michigan in the US looked into 132 middle aged couples. On analysing their relationships, they realised that a couple’s relationships with both sets of parents is a huge source of support in the relationship. Friction in the relationship with parents, they observed, led to a lot of conflict in the primary relationship. Most relationship benefits were however enjoyed when a couple enjoyed a good relationship with the wife’s parents.

WHY IT MATTERS

What this means, of course, is that a couple will be lying to themselves if they think that the two of them are living in a bubble. Also, there is even more pressure on a man to impress his wife’s parents.

But the benefits are enormous. A 2012 study also by the University of Michigan found that when a husband had a good relationship with his wife’s parent, the chances of divorce decreased by 20 per cent.

One theory that the researchers use to explain these findings is that most wives see a relationship with their in-laws as meddling. Husbands, on the other hand, take their in-law’s actions less personally as they are more invested in the welfare of their families. Also, wives pay attention to their husband’s relationship with their parents. When a man thus appears to be working at the relationship with her parents, she subconsciously works more at her relationship with him.

A woman thinks that if a man cares for her, then he will make an effort to get along better with her parents. When he does, he is rewarded for it and their marriage benefits. Simply, a husband’s good relationship with the in-laws equals a happy wife and subsequently, a happy marriage.

If findings of this study are anything to go by, then the formula for a happy marriage is that the wife should keep her boundaries with her in-laws while her husband forges a strong relationship with his.