HEART ADVICE: How can I win my ex-girlfriend back?

Two weeks after she left for college, I broke up with her. A week later I realised what a mess I had made. I have tried to win her back but she doesn’t seem to trust me. PHOTO | FILE | NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • Your dilemma shows you have a little bit of trust issues even though your then girlfriend had assured you of her undying loyalty.
  • What you did to your girlfriend, telling her to choose between you and her studies and then breaking up with her, was wrong.
  • But s=since you want her back, you should show her how serious you are by offering to move closer to her if that’s what she wants you to do.

This week our young man pushed his girlfriend away over a small dispute and is wondering how to win her back.

Q: I dated this girl from the beginning of this year. It was going great until the time came for her to join college. I am not a long distance relationship person.

Secondly, I was uncomfortable with her joining college in Nairobi because we all know what goes down in those institutions.

Before she joined we had a serious talk and I told her my discomfort. She reassured me of her undying loyalty and I agreed to proceed with her despite my misgivings.

Two weeks after she left for college, I broke up with her. A week later I realised what a mess I had made. I have tried to win her back but she doesn’t seem to trust me. She has told me I only had once chance. Is there any hope or should I move on?

READER'S REPLY

Your dilemma shows you have a little bit of trust issues even though your then girlfriend had assured you of her undying loyalty.

Long distance relationship tends to be hard but what matters is ultimate understanding between the two partners.

She made a decision to break up with you because in one way or another, you didn’t support her to achieve her academic development.

Consider having a one-on-one talk with her to make her understand you made a mistake. If she still decides to move on, take it positively and take your time before you establish another relationship. Juma Felix, via email.

What you did to your girlfriend, telling her to choose between you and her studies and then breaking up with her, was wrong.

Now you must take the consequences of your actions. You must remember that there are no guarantees that you and her will be together forever. Things could happen as you grow older and maybe even apart.

However the education she will get at university will serve her for a lifetime and help her establish her income and career, and is therefore of greater priority to her.

Allow her to study. And since you have already broken up, let it rest and hopefully you will find someone else to love soon. Martha Njoki, via email.

I don’t blame your girlfriend for breaking up with you. I would too if I was in her position. However, since you want her back, you should show her how serious you are by offering to move closer to her if that’s what she wants you to do.

That way, she can study and you can be with her and everyone can be happy. But if she says she is done with you, please respect that. All the best. Peter Nyaga, via email.

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MAURICE'S REPLY

In my opinion, if a long distance relationship is not your cup of tea then you should never indulge in one. In regards to her college, I don’t subscribe to decisions made through one’s insecurities.

All people, or in this case students, do not have the same behaviour and to assume a person you purport to love would behave in a certain way is unacceptable.

Those are your own perceptions and it is insulting to apply them to someone else. Once you break up with someone, you have basically told them that you do not need them anymore.

Trying to get them back can look desperate so I urge you not to insist on it. If indeed your mutual feelings align then in time, there may be another chance to rekindle what you had. It is equally important for you to support her studies, which should be her primary priority