PLAIN TRUTH: All families have their problems, so get over yours

Quit blaming all your life’s problems on your dysfunctional family and start taking responsibility for who you are now. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • They may not have been so great parents back then. They, however, do not owe you anything today.
  • You are an adult now. Your family may have done a bad job of raising you but now that you are responsible for yourself, you should know better than too keep getting in the way of your growth.

I am tired of hearing women whining and moaning about how dysfunctional their families are or what an unhappy a childhood they had growing up.

You ask her why she is so rude and she starts, “You know, my parents divorced when I was seven” or “I was raised by my grandmother, my parents didn’t love me.”

If you are one of these women who flash the dysfunctional family card when called out on your bad attitude or behaviour, stop it. Just stop. This tendency is annoying and utterly pointless. What your friends and colleagues may not tell you (but I will) is that being around such a person can be exhausting.

I appreciate the fact that not everyone got that happy, peaceful childhood that every child deserves. Maybe you had an unhappy childhood. Maybe you were molested. Maybe your father was absent. Maybe he drank too much or worse, struck you and your mother sometimes. Maybe you haven’t spoken to your folks in years. I am not trying to minimise how painful that may have been. Still, you can’t live back there. You can’t keep dragging everyone around you back to your past.

What I am saying is, that was then. In the present, only you are responsible for your happiness. Trying to blame your whole extended family is holding yourself back. Ditch that victim mentality. Take control of who you are and your happiness today. It’s only when you stop blaming your family for everything that is wrong in your life that you will have the power to change the things that make you unhappy. Becoming successful, being happy or being a decent human being is all within your power.

They may not have been so great parents back then. They, however, do not owe you anything today. You are an adult now. Your family may have done a bad job of raising you but now that you are responsible for yourself, you should know better than too keep getting in the way of your growth.

EVERYDAY DECISIONS

They say that we are the sum total of the things that have happened to us but I think not. As adults, we are the sum total of the everyday decisions that we make regarding our lives.

How you were raised can lead to mental and emotional health problems, true. Complaining and blaming will, however, not get you anywhere. Instead of complaining, try dealing with it. Put some distance between you and your dysfunctional family members and see a professional about it if you need to… just stop with the whining.

What you might not know is that every family is dysfunctional to some degree. No child was raised in a perfect family like the one you grew up reading about in fairy tales. All families have problems. Don’t let your family background be a chip on your shoulder.