AUNT TRUPHENA: How do I teach my son delayed gratification?

Q: I’m a single parent of three children. The firstborn is a teenager who has become a headache due to his endless demands. Last month he asked for an expensive phone. I bought it for him but he still has more things he wants. When he demands something he wants it there and then. He always thinks I have money. I have many bills and other children to take care of. I am afraid of losing him to the world if I don’t meet his needs as a parent. What do I do? I already feel overwhelmed. Please help.

A: It is understandable that you find being the parent of a demanding teen challenging and frustrating. The fact that he feels entitled to the best, latest gadgets and fashionable items immediately he wants them makes it worse. Please note while it may not be easy to deal with all this, it is possible. When your son asks for the newest gadget and you go to the nearest phone shop to buy it for him, you are teaching him that he can demand something and get it just like that. I suggest that you instead let him know that you understand he wants that new phone, so you will help him find a way to earn the money to buy it. When he has to work hard to earn the money for something he wants, he is more likely to appreciate what he has, and he learns that he cannot have what he wants without working hard to earn it. You will also make him a responsible person in future. By the look of things, your teen seems to be unfamiliar with your income; according to him you are a rich mum and you can buy everything he wants. It is therefore wise to get him involved in planning the family budget for things like meals, treats and so forth. Give him a fixed amount of money and the list of expenses for him to allocate the resources. This will help him get an idea of how much it costs to feed the family every week. Keep in mind that you are not obligated to meet your teen’s unrealistic demands. There are many other ways to lose your child, whether or not you buy him everything his heart desires. What you should be focused on is teaching him lessons that he can take forward into his life as an adult.  I wish you all the best as you raise your children.