PLAIN TRUTH: Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a woman looking for romance

Friday October 6 2017

Why are women vilified for making clear the

Why are women vilified for making clear the standards they have set in regard to the mate they are looking for? PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP 

By JOAN THATIAH
More by this Author

I attended a stand-up comedy performance last weekend. There was just one white man in the audience and naturally, he became the object of mirth for most of the comedians.

Most of the jokes, of course, were about his money and how the women present were thinking about how they could get some of it.

As the jokes went on, his date, a beautiful woman who was christened Shiru before the end of the evening, sunk deeper and deeper into her seat in embarrassment.

A day before this, Cate Gachara , a beautiful 27-year-old woman, took to the streets of Nairobi in search of a husband.

She carried a placard with her and on it, she wrote her requirements in a mate.

She was clear about the fact that she needed him to be white.

This little piece of information caused quite a stir. Men and women didn’t agree with her. Many were offended. Why does she want a white man? Aren’t there men who can marry her here? They asked.

This is my take: Of course there are amazing Kenyan men who can make efficient husbands. But this fact should have nothing to do with Cate.

A white man is her preference, plain and simple. I am sure that Cate is aware that there are other men available.

She, however, prefers a particular kind of man. Why should she have to apologise for it? While I prefer to be wined and dined before a man can declare his intentions, I see no problem with a woman who chooses to bravely come out in her search for a relationship and who comes with a clear list to boot.

All I see is a woman who knows what she wants.

Usually, when a woman comes out and say that she wants a wealthy man, we all come out guns blazing at her.

Get your own money, she is told. You should look at a man’s heart, not his pocket, she is advised. I see no shame in a woman prioritising financial security.

There is no shame in a woman seeking a rich man, or a white one. We all go into relationships with different needs.

If hers is a man who will never fail to show up for her financially, who are we to judge?

Isn’t it the same way men write lists and list of qualities that a woman should have to be considered marriage material?

Lists that have women eating chicken feed, lightening their skin and taking cooking classes?

Let’s stop making the assumption that a woman who wants to get with a man isn’t aware of her ability to make her own money.

Most of them usually are. If a woman is aware of all of her life options, and she still puts financial security first, there should be no shame in that.

If you are a hard-working woman who wants to stand on her feet before she can stand with someone else, that is good.

If you do not care for a man’s financial abilities and instead prefer to see his personality, that is also good.

These, however, are YOUR choices. Do not demonise someone because their choices or priorities are different from yours.