SERIES REVIEW: ‘Game of Thrones’ episode three

What you need to know:

  • Samwell saves Jorah and what’s the first thing Jorah does immediately after? Make preparation to go back to the friendzone.
  • But again I ask – did you expect any less?
  • At least this young Tarly isn’t still swilling faeces away, just sloshing down soup. Those Guy Ritchie-esque shots were life!

At this point, if you haven’t watched Sunday’s episode, then I will not even feel bad for spoiling for you because it is entirely possible that you are not an actual GOT fan. That being said, let’s skip right onto the juicy stuff!

Episode three was very appropriately named “The Queen’s Justice”. There’s a bunch of queens on the show (yay!) but in this case, we mean Cersei, boo. Well, not boo – Cersei has managed to survive and thrive through shame (shame, shame) and incest, detractors and battles, to become the so-called queen of the seven kingdoms. I say so-called because they are two and a half kingdoms at best, but that is going to improve shortly.

COMICAL

But I’m getting ahead of myself. First: the meeting of the cousins who didn’t know they were cousins. Well, technically, Jon Snow is Daenerys’ nephew, but the point is, neither of them know. Nor does the Mother Of Dragons believe that there is something coming to slaughter them from beyond the wall, but good old Tyrion convinces her to help him with dragonstone - obsidian – regardless. It’ll be comical to see how these two eventually find out about each other’s existence, and my money is still n Jon Snow riding the dragon named after his father, Rhaegar.

THEON SOMEWHAT VALIDATED

Theon is somewhat validated in what many people see as cowardice when he meets another ship from the Iron Islands and they ask him if his evil (yet so charismatic) uncle Euron has Yara, his sister. When he says yes, they ask if he tried to save her and then say he wouldn’t have been here if he had. Which is true. Consider the facts: Yara has been in training to lead the Iron Islands since – well, a while, and if she can’t beat Euron, also known as scary pirate dude and shadow of the high seas, then what choice does Theon, formerly known as Reek, have? Those are sucky odds. So I’m waiting to see how Theon is going to come into himself and rescue his sister, because he’s the only Greyjoy left, in line for a throne (which he will propagate, I assume, with adoption? Unless Euron has incest in mind too. I know, it’s gruesome, but I wouldn’t put it past him).

SHOWED NO EMOTION

Back to Cersei, who even showed emotion in this episode when she was being presented with her gift from Euron – the Sand Snake Queen who killed her child. See it isn’t this queen getting justice either – but that depends which side you root for. Cersei killed her child and made sure it was slow, and made sure that the mother was going to watch (because the poison is one of those ones that takes ages), by making sure there would be lighting for the event and food so that she doesn’t die. Yikes. But did you expect any less?

Bran is at Winterfell and alas, being the three eyed Raven doesn’t make him any less of a dick. Because he knows all and sees all, for some reason he feels the need to remind Sansa that she was raped on her wedding night. Sansa was so happy to see him, and now I feel bad for her, because she’s back to having no allies. Well, except Baelish, and we don’t know what pervy side he’s playing for. Jon Snow shouldn’t have threatened Little Finger though. Why would you do that? Like…why? It’s Little Finger. Now he’ll take your sister from you not just because he likes her, but now, because you threatened him. Sigh. Why don’t people on TV ever listen when you’re yelling at them?

JORAH SAVED

Samwell saves Jorah and what’s the first thing Jorah does immediately after? Make preparation to go back to the friendzone. But again I ask – did you expect any less? At least this young Tarly isn’t still swilling faeces away, just sloshing down soup. Those Guy Ritchie-esque shots were life!

Speaking of Tarlys, the older meaner Tarly is still the greatest general ever, and is thus bribed with a promise of power to go attack Olenna Tyrell for the money in House Tyrell to pay off Lannister debts. In a sad state of affairs, Jamie kills her – mercifully, with poison (how poetic). But I bet he regretted that, because after she had already drunk it, she admitted to killing Joffrey. And she asked him to tell Cersei that it was her. I don’t think Jamie can ever tell Cersei that, because then she will truly become the Mad Queen (Mad Regent?), especially because he begged her not to kill the old woman inhumanely – because Cersei had to be convinced, of course. So now he has to live with that – knowing who killed his son, and knowing that Cersei doesn’t even want to really talk about their children. Are they going to have more? Sorry, I digress – I don’t think Jamie can live with that, knowing Jamie now in comparison to Season 1 Jamie. At the end of the day, Olenna had the last laugh – so which Queen’s Justice was it, really?