Role of parents in their children’s career choices should only be facilitative

Last week I received a phone call from an obviously agitated woman. She wanted me to talk to her ‘difficult’ child who, she said, would not listen. To avoid a lengthy conversation I requested to talk to the child.

 “What is the problem young man?’ I enquired. “I got a C-. I worked very hard to get this yet my parents want me to repeat Form Four.”

 Is that an option that you are willing to take?” I enquired.

“I do not want to and I am ready to go to any college but my parents will hear nothing of that! They say I will repeat until I get the marks to get me to university.”

It was very sad for this student because the parent did not see the sense of the guidance I gave to the child and I silently prayed that the night could do the magic. Parents are well-meaning and are considered as single greatest influence on a student’s career selection. They play a huge role in the choices children make when they start looking for a career.

They influence the level of education or training that their children achieve; the knowledge they have about work and different occupations; the beliefs and attitudes they have to work; and the motivation they have to succeed. Every parent wants their child to succeed!

However, studies show, most parents try to live out their own unfulfilled career dreams through their children, something that does more harm than good to the students. The current obsession with universities started with these notions: that for a child to be successful, for a home to be wealthy and have a status symbol, for a mother to hold her head high, for a man to have an ego massage, a child must be a university graduate.

NOT THEIR DREAM

These, coupled with lack of guidance-based education system have resulted in a large portion of the population being placed into jobs which are not appropriate to their unique personalities.  While the purpose of education and lifelong learning cannot be underestimated, it is important for parents and other stakeholders to understand that every human being is a piece that has a unique fit in the puzzle of life.

Some will love working with their hands and tools; others will love working with theories and ideas; others will find joy in working with people; others want to lead and take risks while others will love working in structured environments. In all these categories, some will go for degree courses, others for diploma while others will opt for certificate courses. In all of them, success will be relative and every individual will have a chance to stretch, gain more skills, relearn and so on.

Parents need to understand that they remain facilitators and not influencers of their children’s career choices. The dream belongs to the child. But to ensure that this process is smooth, I have some two cents advice for parents. One, help your child in discovering their own passion, aptitude, strengths and weaknesses and motivate them to follow through; get information regarding all aspects of the chosen career and help the child understand the work life in that career by associating with professionals in the field; try and stop your child from falling prey to peer-pressure and herd mentality; seek professional help.

Do not dictate a child’s decision, rather guide them towards making an informed choice; do not burden the child with unreal expectations; career scope changes with time; desist from imposing the ideas or views that existed during your days; desist from misguiding your child into choosing a career of your choice; try not to allow other people (friends, extended family, or relatives) to influence your child in the career selection process.

Whether your child is going for a degree course, diploma or even a certificate course, start by understanding their interests, skills, personality, values, gifts, talents, abilities and capabilities; then harmonise these with education and training.