The naming and shaming of a thoroughly ungrateful guest

This festive season, remember to thank those who have been good to you this year. PHOTO| FILE

What you need to know:

  • I know the “homing” atmosphere is the same elsewhere in East Africa. It reminds me of the days when I was relatively “settled” in Nairobi, and I had no home square to go to.

  • The best day to walk or drive around Nairobi was Christmas morning. The openness and quiet of the city was magical.

I am a permanent migrant. A standard question from my friends when they ring these days is, “Are you in Kampala, Nairobi or Dar es Salaam?”

So, I often hardly notice when the seasonal mass migrations — to the village, ushagoo, Nyalgunga home square and the like — start. But this year I noticed, maybe because I finally ran out of steam when I hit Kampala, just a day before the Pope got there. I decided not to join the party that was going to Dar es Salaam to collect the bride I wooed for my nephew earlier in the year.

So, being grounded in Kampala for the past few weeks, I have been able to follow the urbanites’ feverish plans and preparations for travel “upcountry” for the season’s festivities. The talk is all about the best dates to set out, road safety, the raising of matatu and bus fares and, especially, the rural folks’ expectations of the town-dwellers and vice versa.

I know the “homing” atmosphere is the same elsewhere in East Africa. It reminds me of the days when I was relatively “settled” in Nairobi, and I had no home square to go to. The best day to walk or drive around Nairobi was Christmas morning. The openness and quiet of the city was magical.

But what alerted me to these end-of-year activities was that the year was ending, and there was a lot still to be done. Worse still, there is a lot that should have been done that has not been done.

One of the crucial activities, of which we might not have done anywhere near enough, is saying thank you to those who have been good to us. So, my unsolicited message to you, wapendwa (beloved), especially the migrating urbanites is: please do not miss a chance to say thank you this season.

Life in the rural areas is admittedly tough and challenging. Once you hit “mwisho wa lami” (end of the tarmac), stop expecting things to work like clockwork. Just enjoy the good-heartedness of the relatives out there and their genuine joy at seeing you coming home. Our relatives are generous hosts. We should reciprocate by being grateful guests.

This is the greatest graces of being a guest, the decency of saying thank you and acknowledging hospitality.

I will, as an example, name and shame one person who is dreadfully rude and ungrateful. I will presently drop the name of the thug, as our dear departed Francis Imbuga would call him, after boasting a bit.

Sometime between late August and early September last year, I was kindly hosted by the Vice-Chancellor of Daystar University and his spouse, Emma Wachira, at their suburban home in Western Nairobi. It was nearly a week’s stay and it was absolutely fabulous. I had a whole wing of their house to myself, with every facility. The food was plentiful and sumptuous. Even the birds in their well-developed garden preened their plumage and sang to me.

Now, you may know about my long connections with Daystar. They hired my wife, and later me, when we first arrived in Kenya. Their first Vic-Chancellor, Stephen Talitwala, is a long-time friend, just as was the late Mary Kizito. I am also associated

through my Kenyan family of Daniel and Angelina Kioko.

But my visit with the Wachiras had nothing to do with those connections. In fact, we were new acquaintances and they hosted me on the suggestion of a publisher friend who had worked with Mrs Wachira, at one of the publishing houses where I am also an author. Mrs Wachira, an eminent social scientist, had written texts for them before striking out on her own as founder director of her own Social Services outfit, Life Skills Promoters.

Authors together, you might say. But is that any reason why, up to today, I have not written, phoned, mailed or used any other form of communication to say thank you for their hospitality? The honest and shameful truth is that I have failed miserably at my obligation to Professor and Mrs Wachira.

Fast forward to December 2014, the Pwani University in Kilifi invited me to deliver a keynote speech at their First International Literature Conference. Fully sponsored, I flew from Entebbe to Moi International Airport, Mombasa, via JKIA. Admittedly, I was a little tired by the time I got there. But the road ride to Kilifi, in the company of Bwana Karisa, the very friendly chauffeur whom the university sent to meet me, revived me considerably.

Karisa became even more solicitous when I told him I was a “kivyele” (fellow in-law) among the Kilifi people. The same pattern of generosity and hospitality continued throughout my visit to the university, as I might have mentioned somewhere in these columns.

My loveliest memory of the visit is the night I spent in a waterside cottage at a top beach hotel, with the incessant murmur of the waters bringing back recollections of my youthful days in Dar es Salaam. But even the formal proceedings were no less touching, with meticulous care being taken of me by Professor Munira Tsanuo, the DVC Research and Development, and Vice-Chancellor Professor Rajab attending the whole of my presentation, as I think I hinted in an earlier piece on these pages.

But here comes the thoroughly embarrassing admission. I still have not written, phoned, mailed or texted to any of these wonderful people to say thank you.

I will not attempt to go into the reasons for this dreadful behaviour, mainly because there just cannot be any convincing ones to clutch at. All I can say is mea culpa (I am totally guilty), I beg for forgiveness and I promise to try and behave better in the New Year.

Do I still need to name and shame the thug?

Let me just wish you all choicest joys and blessings during the season, and thank you all very much for having kept me company on these pages throughout the year. I love you all, sincerely.

 

Prof Bukenya is one of the leading scholars of English and literature in East Africa