My twins may be gone, but they still live in my heart

A mourner overwhelmed by grief is carried away by a Kenya Red Cross Society volunteer during a joint funeral service for three senior staff for Uasin Gishu County at Eldoret Sports Club on September 24, 2014. The pain we often feel never truly goes away. We may say it is unbearable sometimes, but it is possible to live with it. Life gives many an excuse to die, but real reason to continue living as well. FILE PHOTO | JATED NYATAYA | NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • In a cruel twist, life took away my treasured twins
  • For weeks, I was blinded by my grief. I felt like a failed experiment
  • The experiences we go through help us to appreciate our lives and be content with what we have been given

I saw life being taken away from me; all I was left with were death clouds which I thought would hover over the rest of my life.

I was being taught a lesson that I did not understand at that moment.

Life had given me the wonderful experience of giving life to two beautiful children I could call my own. They held my heart and soul in their hands, just as I had carried their life within me.

I was full of life, relishing every wonderful moment I held them in my arms.

That was soon to change though, and change for the worse it did. It was not long before I lay dying, full of grief and with nothing but an empty soul. In a cruel twist, life took away my treasured twins.

Never in my life have I felt such brutality. My hatred and anger towards life grew, and I became lost, overwhelmed by pain.

For weeks, I was blinded by my grief. I felt like a failed experiment. Life meant nothing more than an evil gift from hell that had been sent to torture humanity. I refused to see the beauty it had given me; I was too blinded with hurt.

And then a miracle happened. After some time, the anguish, though still there, began to dissipate. The thought of my children no longer made me want to die.

I also discovered that life did not give me pain, but the greatest joy one can ever feel in this world —for without pain, how would we know joy?

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
Giving birth to my children had given me an opportunity to experience the unconditional love that comes with being a mother. Life had given me a reason to smile, even if only for some time.

We expect life to balance the bitter and the sweet, but sometimes we forget the happy and good times because of the hurt we experience when trials and challenges seem to close in on us.

We forget to reason that without the bitterness, perhaps we would never know what the good side of life tastes like. Without crying, how would we know the sweet sound of laughter? Without hate, how could we understand love?

The pain we often feel never truly goes away. We may say it is unbearable sometimes, but it is possible to live with it. Life gives many an excuse to die, but real reason to continue living as well.

If you want the rainbow, you must put up with the rain, Dolly Parton said. You must sojourn through seasons of snow and cold to feel the warmth of the sun.

APPRECIATING LIFE
The experiences we go through help us to appreciate our lives and be content with what we have been given.

I felt contented and most privileged giving life to my twins. Not everyone gets the honour of feeling such pleasure.

From my experience, I learnt an important lesson: Life, with its trials, eventually brings us triumph. To achieve victory, you must go through challenges.

Even if the trials are often too much, too hard, and too long, never let weakness overcome you.

My children were my gift from life, and they gave me love to last me forever. That love is something nothing can ever take away.

My angels died that night at the hospital, but they live in my heart. They are my reason for waking up every morning because I have faith that I will see them again.

I have their love stamped all over my heart and they give me hope that there is life after death.