Gay by birth or design?

I am not in the habit of engaging my seatmates in conversation when flying but this time round I had quite a talkative seatmate.

Because we were going to be together for eight hours across the Atlantic Ocean, it was only logical to be friendly and so I smiled and answered every question she asked.

Her name was Fredina and she had been spending time in Africa and America. We talked about the weather, wildlife, Obama and so forth. Then she asked what I do for a living. Her face brightened up when I said I am a sexologist.

“So what is your take on lesbianism?” she asked.

“It is a choice people make, and who am I to judge them?” I answered, wondering whether she was lesbian.

“I see. I have tasted both worlds – homo and straight – and I can tell tons of stories about the experience,” she said. While in Africa, Fredina had fallen for an African man. She believed it was true love and they started a relationship, but along the way she discovered that the man was already married with two children.

“I can’t really say that the man wanted to hide his marital status from me,” she explained. “He talked about it freely the day I asked.”

Fredina decided to be a second wife. She said the man was initially uncomfortable about the whole arrangement but after a while, he accepted it.

Fredina was officially introduced to the family, including the man’s wife. Because she was white, she says the family thought she had made a great sacrifice in becoming a second wife, and they all tried to make her comfortable.

The next two years would be filled with romance for Fredina. She enjoyed the African way of love. She went on safaris with her man.

There was so much warmth in the family. Then her man developed cancer which was discovered late. He was dead six months later. Fredina flew back to America to restart her life. She got an international job that allowed her to travel back to Africa once in a while.

“I lost feelings for men,” she continued. “I felt my husband betrayed me by dying so suddenly.”

Age-old question

Back in America, she avoided any serious social engagements. Then, two years after the death of her husband, a woman approached her. She did not know how to respond. Although she had lost feelings for men, she had not thought of being with a woman. But the woman was persistent.

“To cut the long story short, we have been married for a year now, and it has been quite the experience,” she said.

Fredina’s story begs the question: Do people have power to determine their sexual orientation? This is a question that scientists have tried to answer for decades.

Opinion is divided. One thing is, however, agreed on: At conception, we are all females. The Y-chromosome, found in only those who will turn out to be males, triggers some chemical changes which cause the growth of the male organs, as well as influencing the way the brain develops. It has been found that a man’s brain is quite different from a woman’s because of the Y-chromosome.

The effect of Y-chromosome on brain growth is what caused men to be heterosexual later in life.

It is thought that gay men have some other genes that complicate the Y-chromosome effect so that such men intrinsically have brains that maintain sexual attraction to fellow men.

Biologically, therefore, men have no control over who they are ultimately attracted to because it is predetermined through the gene and chemical interactions that happen within a few weeks of conception.

Women, on the other hand, are more socially influenced when it comes to sexual choices. Most social systems encourage women to engage in relationships that lead to child bearing.

Most women, therefore, make heterosexual choices. However, studies show that even strongly heterosexual women can get sexual arousal from fellow women. A number of researchers have therefore concluded that for women, sexual orientation is a matter of choice.

I could not find a better theory to explain Fredina’s sexual relationships. As we alighted from the plane, I asked her if she would ever be heterosexual again.

“Well, for now my options are open. If my current marriage does not work I can go for either gender,” she smiled.