Every man needs to be appreciated by his wife

First Lady Mrs Margaret Kenyatta meets Spouses of Cabinet Secretaries when they called on her and donated Ksh. 600,000 to go towards the "Beyond Zero" campaign at State House, Nairobi. Spousal support exhibited through respecting one another is important in relationships. FILE PHOTO | PSCU

What you need to know:

  • I do not know about other brothers, but I crave to be respected more than I do to be loved. If my woman respects me, then everything else — even the perceived biggies like love — are bonuses
  • Trust is more than taking vows: it is actually taking the good with the bad, and still being all good. Will you be with me, whether we are sleeping rough or chilling in the presidential suite?

“I appreciate you.” This makes me feel that my efforts, however miniscule, are noticed. Confess this when I have writer’s cramp, and, swear to muse, I will write until the cramp subsides.

Life is made up of the small things we do, most of which go unnoticed and unappreciated. I grew moss in the queue at the bank as I waited to pay bills. I know it is my job, but it makes me feel kingly if you confess your genuine appreciation.

“You’re doing a great job.”

Even if my woman does not understand half of my work, it is great to hear her spurring me.

Say, I am a brain surgeon and you say I am doing a great job with my patients, even if you have no idea what this “great” job is about. It is the thought that counts, baby. Confess I am doing a great job, with the children or whatever, and I will always be on top of my game.

“You can do this.”

MAIN MAN

I know I am chasing an impossible dream. And I know the price I keep paying for this pursuit has sometimes got us in debt. Bear with me, baby. Please? A man without a dream is a man without direction.

With this confession, you are adding more jet fuel to our dream liner, which will make me soar to stratospheric altitudes. Sorry if that means getting into more debt before we finally hit pay dirt. “You’re the man.”

Make that the main man. Even if I do not measure up , in whatever way, please be down with my size. This confession means you are not comparing me with others, be they brothers with chiselled bodies or that uber-cool metrosexual.

“You’re the man, man.” Confess this more often and, swear, I will take you anywhere, baby. When I know that, with you my all is enough, it will not matter what numbers or bummers say.
“You’ve got what it takes.”

It may be one of those days when I am feeling down on my luck, but those five words will get me out of that rut.

“Will you manage?” an ex once chided me, twice, when I told her my dreams. Her tone spoke volumes: “Boy, you’re dead in the water.” Just this little rearrangement of her words would have taken us – twice – to Tinseltown and back: “Baby, you will manage.”

“I respect you.”

RESPECT
I do not know about other brothers, but I crave to be respected more than I do to be loved. If my woman respects me, then everything else — even the perceived biggies like love — are bonuses.

If you confess that you respect me, I can stand before a firing squad with my head held high. I can take it if the whole world disrespects me. But if my baby does likewise, I take it to heart.
“You’re good people.”

I am every man. Sometimes I may make dumb decisions. It takes a perceptive, not to mention patient woman, to see the real diamond of a man under the rough edges.

When you see other brothers — at times even my buddies — making complete horses’ of themselves, look me in the eye and tell me you know me better. That I am good people. Knowing that you believe in me will encourage me to polish my edges.
“You’ll get there.”

Seems like this journey is taking us forever. Time is running out. Fast. I am still chasing my first ride, while my peers are changing wheels faster than retread dealers.

Encouraging me with the above confession gets me there, through faith, as I wait for the fullness of time.

TRUST
You are right to be concerned, baby. I am doing everything. If it seems like I am a cool duck on top of water, peek under. See my furiously pumping feet.
“I trust you.”

I have this mind game with my wife about our bedroom window. She is the nervous kind. Likes the windows bolted at night. Many times she does not believe me when I say I have already shut the window. As she rises to go and make sure, I go, “Do you trust me?”

That stops her dead in her tracks.

Trust is having absolute confidence in my word, although the window of doubt seems wide open.
“I will always be there.”

This is more than taking vows: it is actually taking the good with the bad, and still being all good. Will you be with me, whether we are sleeping rough or chilling in the presidential suite?

When you confess that you will always be there and walk your talk, it does not make me realise that I found wife-material (materials mutate with age and the elements). It makes me know that I found me a wife.