AUNT TRUPHENA: How can I get my husband to trust me?

The main problem with our marriage is that my husband hides so much from me. Photo/FILE

What you need to know:

  • Assure him that you will still love him and stand by him no matter what he shares with you. As for accusing you of nagging him, this is a defense mechanism your husband uses to avoid communicating with you.

  • You need to figure out what is triggering this defensiveness and deal with it together, because no marriage can survive without proper communication. My best wishes to you!

Q: My husband and I have been married for seven years and we have a daughter. The main problem with our marriage is that my husband hides so much from me.

Sometimes I only come to know some things through his family members. When I confront him he tells me that I nag him too much. I’m his wife and I believe it is important to know some things about his life.

Instead he prefers to share information with his family more than me. I am stressed because he doesn’t even trust me.  What should I do?

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A Trust is one of the core foundations of marriage and it is clear that it is lacking in your marriage. You need to handle this issue swiftly before it contributes to the downfall of your marriage.

There are several reasons why your husband may be hiding information about his life from you. Firstly, perhaps he is feeling unsafe about sharing his experiences with you.

This could have been triggered by a past experience; perhaps he disclosed something to you and did not like the way you reacted, so he hides his issues to protect himself and avoid your response to them.

The origin of your husband’s insecurity is not the most important thing now, what is important is to realise that your husband feels unsafe so you need to build this safety and trust.

You can do this by appreciating your husband for what he does for you and the family, no matter how small the act is.

This will make him trust you more and eventually open up an avenue for deeper communication between you two.

Secondly, he may be hiding things from you to keep himself from revealing a part of himself that would make him feel vulnerable.

Assure him that you will still love him and stand by him no matter what he shares with you. As for accusing you of nagging him, this is a defense mechanism your husband uses to avoid communicating with you.

You need to figure out what is triggering this defensiveness and deal with it together, because no marriage can survive without proper communication. My best wishes to you!