Water your own lawn

Yesterday, I was thinking how hard it must be to be a woman; it seems like women are always competing with each other.

Who has the better car? Who has the better man? Who had the better birthday party? Who had the better holiday? Who has better clothes? Who has a smaller waist? Who visited Dubai first? Who has lost more weight? Who can rock higher heels? Who takes her kids to better schools?

Who, who, who, who…? My word, it must be exhausting!

This wouldn’t be such a problem if it didn’t spill over to their men. But when they compare other relationships with their own, and that drives us up the wall!

They’ll look around (on Facebook, mostly) and judge their own relationship based on the racket they have seen online.

Or when they go for those girls’ night things and hear loads of fictitious garbage that some little liar was bandying about her awesome relationship.

I mean, if a man went out with his friends and one of them talked about how his woman washes his feet every evening when he comes home from work, this wouldn’t make us question our own relationships.

In fact, we may ask casually, “Kwani you got a Banyankole now?” then ask who has a lighter.

RAW DEAL

Not women. A woman will come back from that girls’ night out, drunk and depressed because she is apparently getting a raw deal. Her girl Stella went on for an hour about how her relationship is just the best.

“Do you know what John did for Stella on her birthday?” she will ask casually as she removes her numerous bracelets. “Who is John?” you will ask.

She will sigh. “John is Stella’s boyfriend!” “I thought her boyfriend was called Max?” “Well, they broke up, now she is dating John. I thought I mentioned it!” “Wasn’t she dating Max like only two weeks ago?” “Yes, but he was a complete moron and he got dumped, and she moved on!” “She moved on in a week’s time?

Jesus, she just can’t catch her breath, can she, that pal of yours?” Then she will ignore you and walk out to take a shower. She will be back as you are drifting off to sleep. “So do you know what John did for her on her birthday?” “No,” you will mumble, wondering if you should hold your breath.

Apparently she was flown to Malindi, booked into a sexy boutique hotel, roses on the bed, champagne and all that stuff that they love. You will curse John silently for not allowing you to have your sleep.

Then she will talk about this birthday treat for a few more days with you saying nonchalantly, “how romantic”, and after a while she will realise you are not getting her hint.

Then she will throw a slightly sarcastic statement like, “Some of us can only dream of that.” And you will laugh loudly because it is funny. “But you said you loved your birthday!” you will note, chuckling.

“Yes, but I would have loved to be taken to Malindi!” “I took you to Mombasa two months ago!” “Well, it wasn’t my birthday!”

Because some conversations don’t end well, you will roll over and sleep and dream of a big palm tree falling on John’s leg and him screaming for help as you casually eat a coconut next to him.

I’m almost sure that when women sit together they exaggerate things about their relationships. They either glorify their men a bit too much or they over-demonise them.

FANTASY WORLD

It’s all make-belief, depending on the agenda. There are relationships you know are completely cuckoo but if you go on the woman’s Facebook profile you will see how she glorifies her happiness and this guy who everybody knows treats her like lost luggage.

Then those women who believe everything they see online will look at their lives, compare it with what they see out there and wonder where they went wrong.

There are guys who take their women to Malindi then there are guys who can’t afford it. There are men who don’t send flowers but will drive in the rain to come get you from wherever you are. There are men who aren’t creative when it comes to gifting but who are your greatest cheerleaders, supportive and all. There are men who are very good for a month then are bad for the next three months, then there are men who are moderately good every month.

Whatever man you have, unless he is completely useless, that’s the man you chose. So women should stop looking across the fence at the next lawn and start watering their own lawns.