My ex left without warning, now she wants me back

I had a girlfriend whom I loved very much. I supported her to my level best and comforted her after the death of her dad.

She fell ill on several occasions and I paid for her treatment. Then one day she went to Nairobi without informing me and cut off communication with me.

I moved to Mombasa and her friends informed her of my whereabouts. Now she wants me back but I am hesitant because her long silence and her leaving for Nairobi without telling me demoralised me. Moreover, I already found a soulmate to replace her. Should I give her another chance or what should I tell her and do? Castro Mentor

Readers’ advice:

Love is reciprocal; if it is one-sided, there is a problem. Like in your case, you loved your ex-girlfriend very much and it was evident in your actions, but did you ever ask yourself if she loved you at all?

Obviously not! You took things at face value and thought that because you were good to her, she automatically loved you. That was your undoing.

When she set on a journey to the city without bothering to inform you, it was a sign of disrespect and contempt for you. What you should do now that you’ve established a new relationship with another girl, is to look to the future. Don’t entertain the idea of getting back with your ex. However, it will also be prudent for you to take time to understand your new girl before making any committment. John Musuku  

Castro, you are a good man and your actions of supporting your ex during her time of grief and when she was ailing speak for themselves.

It was rude and arrogant of your ex to leave you, go silent and come back expecting to find that you have been waiting for her. It appears as if she sees you as a father figure and it is possible that she is in another mess that she wants you to clean up or sort out.

Find out why she left and inform her that you have a soulmate and not just a girlfriend like she was. At the end of the day, it all depends on you.

Do you want to end your current relationship to give your ex another chance? What if she leaves you again and goes quiet on you? Antony Kithinji

When a relationship ends without your approval or knowledge it leaves you wondering if that person really loved you.

After hurting and healing you meet that person again and they want you back. Remember your ex left you without warning.  If you have found another person who loves you as much as you love her, then move on and let go of your ex. However, if you still have feelings for your former girlfriend, don’t waste time. Keep one relationship: where your heart is. Choose wisely. Jane Ndambuki

Choices have consequences. Your ex chose to cut communication between you two, which means that she was ready to lose you. Work on strengthening the relationship with your new girlfriend.

Let your ex understand that you moved on. She might be acting that way after a failed relationship or out of desperation. All the best!  Macharia N. Calvin

Your ex is not dependable. It is weird that she did not think it was necessary to tell you when she left for Nairobi. I suspect that things fell apart with the man she went to be with in Nairobi; that is why she wants to get back with you, especially because she knows you love her. All she wanted from you was the support you gave her during her hard times. Move on with your soulmate , your ex is a fake! All the best! Ednar Betty

It must have been very hurtful for your girlfriend to leave without warning. However, I wish you would give her an ear and find out why she left. You never know, she may have had a good reason. Listen to her first then make a decision. I wish you all the best! Harriet Kisali

They say once bitten, twice shy, for a reason. Your ex is as good as gone.  She left you and didn’t bother to communicate with you.

All she wants is to use you. If you’re happy with your new soulmate, forget your ex because she will just waste your time. Eric Mbuthia

Better the devil you know than the angel you don’t know. Perhaps your ex has learnt her lesson, so maybe you should give her another chance. If you love someone, let her go and if she comes back, then she is yours, take her! Erick Giteya

For how long was your ex silent? If she cut off communication with you for too long, tell her that you already moved on. Naomi J Moraa

Concentrate on your current girlfriend and forget your ex since it is clear that she does not love you. Japhet Njaa

Expert advice

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

My good man, in life all you can do is be yourself. From your letter you come across as a caring person.

You did your level best to support your former girlfriend but she let you down. Perhaps she was looking for another man but when she failed to get someone as good as you, she decided to try to come back into your life.

There is no telling whether she has changed for the better or not, but if I were you, I wouldn’t risk waiting to see history repeating itself. Also, don’t forget that you have already moved on and there is another person in your life now; I’m sure you do not want to put your soulmate through the heartache you experienced when your former girlfriend left you.

Concentrate on the love you have right now. The past is behind you and there is no longer room for second chances with your ex.

Next week’s dilemma: I turned 24 last month. I met this lady four years ago and we love each other very much, though she is a year older than me.

I promised to marry her and vowed never to hurt her and in return she has been loyal to me. What worries me, apart from the fact that my family might find out our secret about her being older than me, is that my girlfriend has difficulties conceiving.

This was confirmed to me by my doctor. The doctor, however, reassured me that it is just a case of hormonal imbalance and that once she is put on medication she will be okay.

I decided to marry her in spite of this knowledge, but I have kept her condition a secret, so no one, not even my parents, knows that she has difficulties with getting pregnant.

Should I continue keeping this secret from my parents, or should I tell them? Also, now that I have kept my promise to my girlfriend and married her, can I now divorce her and look for another woman? What should I do?