My secret struggle with ADHD

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a term that is too often misused, misunderstood and quickly dismissed.

From a random sample of eight people, responses varied from “that is a Western problem” to simply, “is that even a recognised illness?”

This small sample represents in many ways the misconceptions and stigma that revolve around ADHD and mental health conditions in general, especially in this part of the world.

For Anne* and Clara*, however, the condition is more than just words in medical journals.

The two women share their individual journeys living with ADHD.

Anne

Age: 35

Occupation: project manager

Family status: single mum of one

Eigth year consciously living with ADHD

“Scientists say that ADHD affects the front part of the brain, which controls functions such as how fast you talk and act, the ability to concentrate, and to process actions and information.

Add to these a bad temper and challenges following rules and authority, even for simple things, all which I struggled with as a child. I would be told to go to sleep and instead run out to play. I would be punished but still repeat the same thing over and over.

Impulsivity challenges

I was the overly-sensitive child who would always break down into tears after every real or imagined criticism. In adulthood, this manifested in different ways.

For example, a former boss sent me an email that I did not like and I responded with two words, ‘I resign’. At school, As and Ds would make up my report card because I would excel in those subjects I had passion for but completely zone out of those I didn’t like, and nobody could understand the consistent gaps.

I also struggled with impulsivity and in college, I ran away from home twice and even moved in with a guy on one of the occasions.

“You see with ADHD, you are constantly seeking stimulation because you get bored very easily. You want to be on this constant high and this easily translates to alcohol, drugs, random partners, and the like.

Being a middle child made matters worse and I was always accused of just trying to seek attention; as a result, I would act impulsively and only think of the consequences later.

“ADHD  usually co-exists with other conditions.

For example ADHD and anxiety disorder or obsessive compulsive disorder or depression or bi-polar mood disorder. I live with ADHD and bi-polar. At one point in adulthood, severe depression to the point where I was suicidal landed me at the psychiatrist’s office.

She evaluated me and noticed a pattern of erratic behaviour where I would make important life decisions impulsively. She advised me to  read up on ADHD and then return for another appointment.

I did and at the next visit, she gave me computerised tests where she picked out that my concentration was very poor.

At this point I wasn’t ready to listen to her diagnosis and was in fact annoyed that she was adding on conditions to what I had, when I had simply gone in for depression.

Five months later, I was admitted again for severe depression and a different doctor who did not have my history, after evaluating me, talked of the same thing.

He invited me to an ADHD group therapy session at a local medical facility. It was only after attending and listening to others share experiences similar to mine that I accepted my diagnosis.

I, however, only shared this information with my family three years later because I knew they would not accept it as they do not understand the concept of mental health.

I even invited my father for the group therapy session but as a professor, he was skeptical. However, very slowly, they are coming to terms with it.

“ADHD makes dating and relationships difficult. Solid relationships require patience and taking the time to get acquainted with someone.

We are not naturally patient. I have been in some bad relationships in this constant search for stimulation.

I had a problem with low self-esteem, which further compounded the issue and for almost 10 years,  relationships were random, dangerous and unhealthy.

Because of being passionate about things we like, we have a tendency – as another member of our group called it – to be ‘vampires’ because we zero in and focus too much on our partners and can be so needy that the other person feels drained and suffocated.

In the past, I used negative stimulation mechanisms such alcohol and bad relationships. I have since taken a break to do it right and to get a person who is right for me.

“I am a mother today and though motherhood for me wasn’t planned, I accepted the situation and I try to do my best. Luckily I live with my mum and she always comes to my rescue and intervenes when it gets too much. 

“People view ADHD as a foreign thing but remember in the 1980s, it was the same misconception with cancer. Instead of being dismissive, we should be looking at what can we learn from the developed countries on managing the condition.”

Clara

Age: 25

Occupation: Entrepreneur

Family status: Married with one child and pregnant with a second one, lived with ADHD for three years before diagnosis early last year

“As a child I had poor concentration and couldn’t sit still in class so I coped by drawing in my books, something I was good at.

I also experienced hyper focus, where you are genius in what you are interested in and very, very bored with what you are not. Growing up with a very Christian mum, it was very frustrating for both of us because I was disorganised and inattentive.

Her solution was always prayer. I would then get stressed and also being the middle child who was considered an attention-seeker, would become unstable.

“Three years ago I started reading up on what could be going on with me and came across ADHD.

However, I only went to the psychiatrist after a year and got medication. Because of the way people view mental health issues, we choose to keep the diagnosis to ourselves.

Many believe it is something that will get better with the passage of time. I have not shared it with my mum yet because I know she will just play the religion card.

Looking outside relationships

“It is true that it is very difficult to hold down a relationship because we tend to get bored very fast.

You begin to doubt why you are in the relationship and look at other things outside which you believe are more exciting. I had exposed myself to really bad relationships because I didn’t take time to learn this other person.

We also tend to be too gullible and trusting and are such open books; we assume the other person is also honest so we are conned easily even in business and at work.

“I quickly came to the realisation that a nine-to-five arrangement was not for me so I am comfortable managing my time.

I am a home maker and get satisfaction from building a home, and I am able to enjoy my role as a wife. I am grateful for my husband.

While we were dating, I shared with him my suspicions so when the diagnosis came in, he was  supportive.

“I am usually on medication but since I am expecting my second born, I am off the meds.

When you are off, the symptoms come back. I also suffer from bi-polar disorder. It is honestly crazy right now.

Since everyone looks at me for direction sometimes I lock myself in my room just to get balance.

I get disorganised and that easily spills into the family - for example, we have late, rushed mornings because I forgot to do some things. Yesterday, I had a major breakdown because I felt I just can’t do this anymore.

“I discovered that if I do yoga or exercise early in the morning, I use up all the hyperactive energy then I can have concentration for the rest of the day.

Herbal teas, healthy food and supplements to boost memory have also been of great help. I read a lot of inspiration materials to counter feelings of depression.

I have also learnt to distract myself when I feel the onset of an impulsive attack and do something artistic since I am good at this. I changed my friends; I did away with those who were feeding the condition. I surround myself with people whom we can help each other grow.”

Lambert Oigara, a psychologist, breaks down ADHD thus: “ADHD is like a wild horse with a lot of energy. If you tame him, he will win you many races but when untamed, chaos comes in.”

With no known national statistics on record, he says the diagnosis of the condition is currently more common than many would expect. He goes on to add that the symptoms of the illness begin in childhood.

“ADHD in childhood becomes a clinical concern when a school-going child, from around ages five to six exhibits consistent and persistent hyperactivity. They are all over the place regardless of their environment: climbing, jumping, and cannot seem to stay still.

“These children tend to be given labels such as lazy, crazy, daydreamers, the black sheep; they are always being punished. Teachers are some of the first individuals who unknowingly pick out these hyperactive consistencies in the child. You find remarks such as ‘this child can do better if she concentrates’, ‘he is naughty’, and the like.”

“It is important to note that it is not that these children lack attention, it is that they cannot sustain attention in non-stimulating activities for a long time,” he says.

ADHD is caused by factors such as genetics and environment, and is categorised into three sub-types: ADHD predominantly inattentive type, ADHD predominantly hyper-impulsive type, and ADHD combined type where the individual displays symptoms of the first two. Since each has its own set of unique symptoms, Oigara cautions that those seeking treatment should ensure they see qualified medical professionals for a thorough assessment.

“We encourage a very thorough assessment to rule out other medical conditions because other conditions such as thyroid disease, bi-polar mood disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder can also masquerade as ADHD.”

He further highlights that late diagnosis of ADHD causes complications such as the risk of developing other mental health and physical problems, exposes individuals to high-risk behaviour especially during their teens as they seek stimulation and also predisposes individuals to depression and anxiety.

Besides post-traumatic stress disorder because of unfavourable labeling and being taken advantage of since they usually have big hearts, these individuals can find themselves in problematic situations or g the wrong side of the law.  “Education and awareness of the condition is 90 per cent of the treatment. Not everyone who suffers from the condition requires medication,” he says.

Oigara adds, “People must understand that ADHD is manageable when diagnosed, irrespective of one’s age at the time of diagnosis. It has a positive end to it if the energies are directed in the right direction.”

Need-to-know facts about ADD/ADHD

•  ADHD is a real medical condition characterised by symptoms such as hyperactivity, impulsivity and attention difficulties. Boys and girls express symptoms differently, with boys externalising them while girls internalise them.

•  The difference between attention deficit disorder (ADD) and ADHD is that there is hyperactivity in the latter.

•  Education and awareness, medication, group therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy tools are some of the treatments that are locally available.

•  Group therapy sessions are held every Saturday at Chiromo Lane Medical Centre from 3pm.

•  ADHD support group can be contacted through their Facebook Page: ADHD-The Kenyan Chapter

•  Useful resources: Websites: www.add.org and www.chadd.org. Books: Driven to Distraction by John Ratey and Edward Hallowell; Taking Charge of ADHD by Russell A. Barkley; Delivered from Distraction by John Ratey; Women with Attention Deficit Disorder by Sari Solden

   

Celebrities living with ADHD

Some personalities who are living with ADHD and have positively directed their energies to lead highly successful lives include:

Jamie Oliver

- Celebrated chef, restaurateur and media personality

Sir Richard Branson

- Founder, Virgin Group

Michael Phelps

- Renown swimmer and most decorated Olympian of all

Paris Hilton

- Socialite/ heiress/ reality star

Solange Knowles

- Singer/songwriter

Justin Timberlake

- Singer/songwriter

Might you have ADHD?

• If these traits are prevalent in your day-to-day life, consider speaking with a psychologist or psychiatrist:

• Difficulties being organised and feeling constantly overwhelmed by life as if you don’t have it together. This comes together with being constantly late, problems with prioritising tasks, missing deadlines, and appointments.
• Easily distracted so you find it hard to finish tasks and you get late often.
• Poor listening skills because of inattention. This could translate to missed appointments, misunderstandings with the people you interact with. People might also label you as forgetful.
• Restlessness. You often appear edgy, tense, and fidgety and you have problems relaxing.

*Names have been changed