Sorry sir, I am not wife material!

US actor George Clooney and British lawyer Amal Alamuddin arrive on September 29, 2014 at the palazzo Ca Farsetti in Venice, for a civil ceremony to officialise their wedding. We all have different personalities, therefore we should just accept each other as we are. Wife material does not exist — one man’s poison is another’s meat. PHOTO | AFP

What you need to know:

  • Some men enjoy the company of an outgoing, brilliant, ambitious, and bold Suzie, but when it comes to marriage, they go for the meek, shy, naïve, soft-spoken Jane because that is who they presume to be wife material
  • We all have different personalities, therefore we should just accept each other as we are. Wife material does not exist — one man’s poison is another’s meat

When I was 18, I briefly worked at my uncle’s laundry in Isiolo. One of the regular customers was a tall, well-groomed moran, fond of dressing in Savco jeans and polo shirts.

Like every girl can tell, I knew from the way he looked at me, to the way he held my hand longer than necessary, that Selengei (not his actual name) was interested in me.

Then he seemed old, but now when I think about it, he might just have been in his mid-twenties.

Selengei liked to ask me all sorts of questions, like what food I liked to cook, if I had younger siblings, and whether I had looked after them when they were babies.

Safe questions you would want a young man to ask your 18-year-old daughter. But then one day, as I neatly folded his clean pair of jeans, he said; “I am looking for a wife.” “Is she lost?” I shot back.

STOP READING
He paused, looked at me in surprise, then shook his head.

“So bad. Bad.” He said, still looking at me in a rather pitiful way. “What is so bad?” I asked.

“You.” He said.

Though I felt hurt, I did not respond. A teenage girl wants to hear good things about herself, especially from a man.

“Those books you read. They have messed you up!” he continued, pointing at a novel I had earlier been engrossed in.

“You can make a good wife, but you must stop reading those books. They make you big-headed, and my wife can never speak to me the way you just did.”

I was shocked by his outburst, but I held back a torrent of retorts that threatened to erupt. Back then, morans were said to carry a small sword, which they did not hesitate to unsheathe when need arose.

“How old are you?” he asked me. I still did not reply. “Are you circumcised?” he continued, unflinching.

“Excuse you!?” I screamed, quite horrified.

“I know girls from your tribe are not circumcised.”

“It is barbaric and stupid…”

NOT WIFE MATERIAL
“Perfect. I want a girl with basic education and one who is not circumcised. That is why I want to marry you,” pronounced my suitor, who promptly withdrew his proposal when I told him that I was joining university that year.

I was reminded of this incident the other day when a former colleague, a bachelor in his 40s, challenged me to hook him up with a woman who would become his wife, when I chided him about his single status.

“But not too learned. You empowered women are not wife material.”

I wonder, what does wife or husband material mean? Some men enjoy the company of an outgoing, brilliant, ambitious, and bold Suzie, but when it comes to marriage, they go for the meek, shy, naïve, soft-spoken Jane because that is who they presume to be wife material.

Then they spend the rest of their miserable married life missing or chasing Suzie.

ACCEPT EACH OTHER
We all have different personalities, therefore we should just accept each other as we are. Wife material does not exist — one man’s poison is another’s meat. Even if Suzie tried to be a soft-spoken Jane, it would be short-lived.

Her true self would eventually emerge. One of my favourite couples met in a night club and basically spent their dating and first years of marriage clubbing.

Thankfully, at some point, they outgrew the club scene, but they still enjoy an easy friendship and companionship. She is a Suzie, with degrees and chairs board meetings.

She is not only a joy to hang around with, but she is a great cook too. She is definitely his wife material.

Who says empowered women cannot make excellent wives and mothers?