Will he keep his promise to marry me?

My boyfriend and I love each other very much and we are even planning for our future. He is currently in college and he told me by 2019 he’ll have graduated and will probably be working; so he asked if we could get married at that time.

I agreed because I really love him. He’s just turned 19 and I am turning 20 in December. I am yet to start my college education.

Even though I promised him that we would get married in 2019 and he promised never to leave me, I am not sure that things will go according to plan.

I once read an article by Jackson Biko warning a reader not to get married young, that is why I have decided to seek your advice. Please help. Hildah, Nakuru.

Readers’ advice

Yes, it is good to plan for your future but you should concentrate on what is most important now: your studies.

Your education, and later your career, should come first. In 2019 you will be 25 while your boyfriend will be 24.

Given that women mature faster, this might be a good time to get married so Biko’s advice may not apply to you at that time.

What I can’t assure you, is that your boyfriend will be willing and ready to marry you at that time. Maintain the relationship if you can but don’t let it come in the way of achieving your dreams.

The good news is that you have enough time to study your boyfriend and learn if he is the right man for you. All the best! Albert Omuko

You’re in your teens and what you feel is probably infatuation, not love. Don’t listen to your heart because it may tell you all sorts of things that are not necessarily true.

Use your head instead and focus on your future. What can a 19-year-old boy offer in terms of marriage? Though you don’t realise it now, you have a whole life ahead of you.

Forget this boy for a while and seek to build your life by going to college, get a good job or do something that will secure your future rather than thinking about what your boyfriend has promised, which he might not fulfill. John Musuku

True, many college relationships have led to marriage but you have to strike a balance in life. If you love each other get your priorities as students right and nurture your relationship while at it. I wish you all the best! Edith Karanja

Bear in mind that this man may change his mind in future when circumstances change. For this reason, think twice about waiting for him. Erick Giteya

If you truly love each other, then it will be worth the wait. In 2019 you’ll be 25 – a perfect age to walk down the aisle. This relationship might be worth your while. Remember, true love conquers mountains. Calvin Queens

First things first, never let love control your life. Secondly, go to college, study, find a job and then marry. For heaven’s sake, this guy is a teenager, and there is a 75 per cent chance that he doesn’t even know what he is talking about. Waiting for him might be disappointing. All the best! Maurys Gaucho

So many things will happen between now and 2019 and you might end up regretting. You can continue being in a relationship with him but as of now, don’t promise marriage yet. Obatchy Obatchy

Pray that 2019 finds you still together, but concentrate on going to college first. Mujurizi Humphrey

Fix your life first. You can never be too sure about love. To avoid many regrets, let love find you after you’ve succeeded in life. Focus on your life. Books first, romance later! Yunee Mumbi

Focus on the present. Sometimes the heart is not so smart and should not be trusted. Linah Greg

Expert advice
Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

The notion and feeling of love is an incredible stimulant but it is also the worst catalyst when it comes to people’s promises to each other.

No one is promised tomorrow so your plans for 2019 are not practical at this point. If it is dating then date each other by taking it one day at a time.

Despite your love for each other your primary focus should be your studies and personal development. Your choices today will dictate your future.

If indeed you care for each other you will make a pact to support each other so that you can both get an education first. If your support is unconditional then you have a chance of still being together in 2019 and beyond.

Next week’s dilemma: I had a girlfriend whom I loved very much. I supported her to my level best and comforted her after the death of her dad. She fell ill on several occasions and I paid for her treatment.

Then one day she went to Nairobi without informing me and cut off communication with me. I moved to Mombasa and her friends informed her of my whereabouts.

Now she wants me back but I am hesitant because her long silence and her leaving for Nairobi without telling me demoralised me. Moreover, I already found another soul mate to replace her. Should I give her another chance or what should I tell her and do?

 Castro Mentor