Will the long distance kill our relationship?

He is a great man and I finally thought I had found the man I have been dreaming of and our relationship was going so well. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • You both have good intentions of sustaining the relationship despite the distance, but anything could happen in those five years.

  • I live in the diaspora and I can tell you that we all usually plan to return home after five years, but that almost never happens and we end up staying longer than that, not forgetting that we also face various temptations out here.

  • My take is that the two of you need to have a heart-to-heart before he leaves.

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for two years. He is going for further studies in Australia this year and he told me that he will work there for a few years after graduation and come back to Kenya in 2020.

He is a great man and I finally thought I had found the man I have been dreaming of and our relationship was going so well.

Some of my friends have told me that five years is too long a time to wait for a man; that he will move on the minute he gets on the plane.

I want to give a long distance relationship a chance because this man means a lot to me and I’m afraid of losing him, but I would feel broken if I waited for him only for me to discover that he wasn’t waiting for me.

He says that he will come back to me, but I feel unsettled. I need sober advice. What should I do?

 

READERS’ ADVICE

You both have good intentions of sustaining the relationship despite the distance, but anything could happen in those five years.

I live in the diaspora and I can tell you that we all usually plan to return home after five years, but that almost never happens and we end up staying longer than that, not forgetting that we also face various temptations out here.

My take is that the two of you need to have a heart-to-heart before he leaves.

If you agree to try out the long distance relationship, be very open with each other; if at any time either of you feels that it is not working, be very honest and upfront and say it.

The other option is to try an open relationship; if in those five years neither of you has found someone worth settling down with and he returns at the said time, then it was meant to be and the two of you should get married right away.

This will only work if you are a hundred per cent honest with each other. Davie Gichuri

 

A long distance relationship is challenging and emotionally strenuous. If it was your man asking us whether you will come back, I would tell him yes, because I can feel that you are truly in love with him.

On the other hand, I have my doubts about your man because you don’t mention that he will invite you to join him in Australia so that you can build a future together.

I do not read any sense of commitment towards you from him. It would be a pity to put your life on hold for five challenging years, crossing your fingers hoping that he will come back to you.

True love is patient if it is mutual. Anything less than true love and commitment or if you have many doubts, just move on. Jane Ndule

 

I would advise you to tread cautiously in matters pertaining to long distance relationships.

As someone who has been there, done that, I can tell you that the success stories are few especially when you don’t have anything binding the two of you like a marriage or a child.

So basically don’t let opportunities of getting another man slip by in the hope that your man will be back after five years which may turn out to be eternity!

If it is possible to join him there, please do it; otherwise move on. People in long distance relationships are known to have robust communication in the first few months but this wanes with time as pressure from work or studies begins to mount. Albert Omuko

 

Be strong. I was in a long distance relationship for three years and it worked. My man was in The Netherlands and I would fly there every so often to visit him; you can do the same.

We also kept it alive by Skyping and communicating every evening after work. This is your man, don’t let him down. Caroline Adenya

 

You are afraid of losing him. Do the math and be ready for any possibility. Don’t forget to stay a step ahead in case your fears are confirmed. Jimmi Kirika

Expert advice

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

I wish I could assure you that your long distance relationship will work, but from my experience dealing with couples torn by such relationships you need to know that long distance relationships require firm dedication and a solid and unwavering commitment to communication, to keep your connection strong.

Unfortunately those relationships rarely prevail due to the effects of being apart.

Loneliness kicks in and external social influences cannot always be resisted. I recommend that you either make a pact that if one of you feels they can no longer wait you should come clean and tell the truth or you can break up now and pick up from where you left when he returns.

There is no easy option but being realistic will limit the chance of hurting one another when temptations knock on your door.

In case there is an option of you joining him in Australia that could be a solution to the distance and would help to sustain your relationship. If not, do not put yourselves in a situation where you could end up hurting each other.