It’s time to get out of your own way and thrive

Even here, a thousand of miles away from home, I’m confronted by how much more human beings have in common than they realise. I’ve looked for differences the last week I’ve been here, and to be sure, they are plenty. PHOTO/FILE

What you need to know:

  • She admires my braided hair, and tells me she wishes she could do the same thing to hers. I tell her it is possible.

  • She shakes her head vehemently, fingers her long, dark hair and says, “No, my hair too thin and too soft.” I could tell her that mine is too hard and has a tendency to frizz out into an afro if not carefully managed.

  • Even in our dissatisfactions, women have a lot in common

It’s chilly in Guangzhou where I write this week’s column from. They tell me it’s winter. The nights are long, the days are short and I’m glad for the brief moments when the sun kisses my skin.

Even here, a thousand of miles away from home, I’m confronted by how much more human beings have in common than they realise. I’ve looked for differences the last week I’ve been here, and to be sure, they are plenty. Let’s start with the food.

Snake and frogs are a delicacy here, said to do good things for a person’s libido. I’ve given both a wide berth, sticking only to listed beef. I interrogate the waiters, “Beef from cow?”.

It is stating the obvious, but one can never be too careful. However, I’ve discovered that I quite like rice noodles, and ask for a recipe, eager to recreate this dish when I’m back home.

So yes, there are some startling differences but a lot more similarities. The MTV channel, while largely in Chinese, is full of young musicians singing about a topic that never goes out of fashion.

Love, falling in and out of it and sometimes never finding it. I may not understand the language but the videos are so well choreographed and I must confess, I’m enjoying trying to figure it all out.

My interpreter, a young Chinese woman, tells me a little about her life, and I’m amazed that we have the same aspirations — to raise our children well, leave a contribution through our life’s work and find happiness.

I tell her it is possible

She admires my braided hair, and tells me she wishes she could do the same thing to hers. I tell her it is possible.

She shakes her head vehemently, fingers her long, dark hair and says, “No, my hair too thin and too soft.” I could tell her that mine is too hard and has a tendency to frizz out into an afro if not carefully managed.

Even in our dissatisfactions, women have a lot in common.

Later, when I sit by the window in my hotel room, hoping to get a glimpse of the setting sun in the smog above the tall buildings, it occurs to me that the one thing that underscores the human experience for all of us is that we are in this thing called life together, yet alone. Each of us must find the path that works or best suits us.

Already, it is the last week of January 2015, even though the Chinese New Year is not until mid February.

When I ask her what her goals for the New Year are, a young girl in a shop tells me she wants to get married. Everyone within earshot laughs.

Thank God for small and great mercies in this journey called life. We may not have all we want but we always have what we need to take the next step.

Even if all we have is faith. Like that young woman in the shop, in this New Year, we all will be given a rising sun experience. You know it as the things you are looking forward to.

Perhaps it is starting a new job, moving out of home, finishing school or getting married.

All we have to do is take hold of what the future promises, and walk boldly towards it. However, the underside, is that there will be a setting sun experience that we must let go of. The two work together.

A new job means letting go of the old one, moving out of home means cutting the apron springs and so on. To grab the new, you have to let go of the old.

Yet, occasionally, led by our fear, we try to hold on to both, not fully grasping that for the sun to rise, it has to set.

Whether you are in China or Kenya, change beckons. To move into our rising sun, there are plenty of things we must let go.

Maybe it’s a negative attitude or perspective that has got to go. It could be an addiction. Or maybe you are always selling yourself short, accepting less than you deserve.

Fortunately, on this first day of February, there’s still time to make amends. Get rid of the fear that paralyses you from moving forward and breaking free of the past. Standing between you and the life you desire is yourself.

Back at my window, I haven’t seen the sun set. Yet the deepening darkness assures me it has. And that’s the kind of assurance and faith we need even when things are not clear. The sun is out there and will rise for us.