Love is truly colour blind

It was a lazy afternoon and with no customers visiting the kiosk, Pamela Mukami decided to sit outside and wait patiently for business to come her way. An avid reader, she kept herself busy with a novel.

For a long time, there was just Pamela and her book, then she heard footsteps approaching. Looking up, she saw friends of hers coming her way.

Among them was a face she was not familiar with, but there was something about the young man’s looks and warm persona that struck a cord in her heart. And judging from the secret glances he kept throwing her way after the introductions were done, Pamela had no doubt the interest was mutual.

The friends engaged in conversation for a few minutes and then turned to leave. Pamela felt a tinge of sadness, fearing she would never see her new acquaintance again. But her heart skipped a few beats when he returned stealthily after the others had gone.

“He came back and said, ‘I see you like novels,’” recalls 25-year-old Pamela of the man who would sweep her off her feet and become her husband a few years later. “He said he had a whole collection and asked if I wanted to exchange a few books with him.”

Elated, she agreed and true to his word, the man visited her at the kiosk the next day, novel in hand. That was the beginning of a romantic relationship between Pamela and James Mutai.

James, 29, continued visiting Pamela at the shop where she helped her mother sell various provisions. As they more spent time together, the two discovered their shared interest for certain things. “Besides being avid readers, we discovered that we both liked country music,” says James.

Sparkling eyes

He admits he was attracted to the polite, soft-spoken woman with the sparkling eyes and could not stop thinking about her. Similarly, Pamela could not get her mind off the young man, an aspiring musician with a deep, musical voice and sense of humour.

And she also liked his “shiny blonde hair”, which she says made him very attractive.

James’s hair colour is as a result of albinism, an inherited genetic condition characterised by little or no pigment (melanin) in the skin, eyes and hair. The low levels of melanin cause a very light skin tone, which can sometimes be very pale, as well as white-blonde hair.

Since melanin protects the skin from the sun’s ultra-violet rays, people with albinism are more easily prone to sunburn. Lack of melanin in the eyes also results in eyesight problems, as the eyes do not develop properly without this pigment.

The last of 10 children, James has six other siblings with albinism (although one is deceased). Neither of his parents have the condition although they are carriers of the gene that causes it.

James’s condition, which carries a lot of stigma and superstition – in some communities, persons with albinism are considered a curse or bad omen, and many of these children are killed at birth – mattered little to Pamela.

Indeed, each day she yearned for the moment she would meet her newfound love interest and spend time with him. She did not want to be away from him for even a minute.

“He was romantic and he made my heart flutter,” recalls Pamela. “I especially remember Valentine’s Day of 2003. It was the best day of my life.”

On the day set aside for lovebirds, James took her for a picnic beside a waterfall on a family friend’s farm in Nkubu, Meru. “The landscape was beautiful – there was lavish vegetation all around us. We sat on the rocks, listening to the sound of the rushing water and savouring the picturesque scenery,” she says.

James, who Pamela describes as a wordsmith, romanced her with “all the sweet nothings a 23-year-old man (at the time) could think of”. There was more. “He had carried his guitar along and hummed romantic tunes while strumming. I was completely smitten!”

Great chemistry

From that moment on, Pamela, a nurse at a hospital in Thika town, knew James was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. It was the same for James: “Something in my heart just clicked,” he says. “And as we spent more time together, we realised that we connected both intellectually and emotionally. There was this great chemistry between us.”

Because of the social stigma attached to albinism, it was only natural that their relationship came under thorough scrutiny and was a major subject of discussion among family and friends. While some did not mind the choice she had made, others did not mince their words.

“I had relatives openly question my choice of partner. One even asked me whether I was serious about my decision to have a person with albinism for a boyfriend. She felt it was wrong for me to date such a person,” Pamela says.

Even more hurtful was a suggestion by one of her closest friends to “take the time to meet someone else. My friend said I was not being wise in dating James,” she recalls.

However, she refused to let people’s comments deter her. She knew what she wanted and she went for it. Thankfully, her parents never took issue with her relationship. “They told me that if my heart was happy, then they were happy too.”

What Pamela loved most about James was that “he was a good person at heart”. While many girls dream of partners who are tall, dark and handsome, all she ever prayed for was a man with a good heart.

“Physical beauty or an ‘acceptable’ outward appearance does not make one happy. What matters most is what is inside, what is in the heart. James fulfilled me and made me happy.”

James credits his family for their open-mindedness. They did not mind his choice of partner. As he was growing up, he desired a woman of average height with chocolate skin for a wife. “But I got more than that. I got a beautiful woman with a warm and pleasant personality.”

Even after she enrolled for a diploma course in nursing at the Kenya Medical Training College in Kakamega, Pamela maintained close contact with James, who was then studying for a degree in French and Special Education at Kenyatta University. Upon graduation, he started teaching at the Amboseli Training Institute in Thika. The two maintained their long distance relationship, with either one travelling frequently to see the other.

In 2006, Pamela discovered she was pregnant. She recalls that day clearly. “I took the test at a health centre in Kakamega town. When the results came back positive, I did a small celebratory dance that lasted about three minutes. People around me thought I had gone crazy!”

Why was she so happy? “I was delighted because I wanted James to be the father of my children. I had no doubts about that.”

James received the news of her pregnancy with equal delight. “When she told me I was going to be a father, I felt profound joy in my heart,” he says.

But the question many would ask is whether the couple had even talked about having a child together. And more importantly, had they discussed the possibilities of having one born with albinism? Had Pamela thought clearly about this?

“James and I had discussed the issue at great length. I was aware of the possibility that I could have a baby with albinism. But that mattered little to me. I was prepared for any child, whether born ‘normal’ or with the condition,” she says.

Although James was ready to accept whatever happened, he leaned more towards having a child with normal skin.

“Besides the social stigma and discrimination that persons with albinism face, there are also the physical problems, such as frequent sunburn and eyesight problems. I would not wish my children to experience the same difficulties I have had,” he says.

Number of children

The couple, who were married under Meru customary law, welcomed their daughter, Avril Ntinyari in 2006. She does not have albinism. Do they plan to have more children? “Yes we do!” the couple responds in unison.

However, they cannot seem to agree on the number of children they would like to have. Pamela wants to just one more child, while James is insistent on having two more. They lovingly ‘argue’ about it briefly before agreeing to discuss it later.

The two have faced their fair share of open stares and whispers, but their relationship continues to thrive.

“The bottom line is that James is an individual and my relationship with him is no different from that which I would have with a person of normal skin,” says Pamela confidently.

“A man is a man at the end of the day, whether he is tall, short, dark, light, slim, huge or whatever. But society must keep reminding me that James is ‘different’. When we walk on the streets and people openly stare at us, or when people make comments and ask me questions about him, that is when I remember he has albinism. People are obsessed over my relationship with him.”

James, who is also a musician with the Savanna Maestros, says at the end of the day, people will always have something to say about you.

“Even if you are perfect, they will have an opinion about you, both good and bad. The best way to go about your life is to live it as normally as possible, because people will only treat you differently if you allow them to.”

Of his relationship with Pamela, James says: “You will always know when the right person comes along. We experience the normal ups and downs of a relationship, just like any other couple. But our love is growing stronger, as we keep re-discovering ourselves each day. We have found true happiness in each other.”

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