Are you a keeper or a plaything?

What if you had a manual that revealed how men think and what goes on in their minds when they look at you? What if this manual also offered step-by-step pointers about how to tell whether a man is genuinely interested in you or passing time? What if this manual also went ahead and offered a fool-proof formula of how to get him to finally propose?

Well, there is such a manual, at least that is what Steve Harvey, that popular American comedian, promises of his book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.

Harvey points out from the onset that he is no psychologist or relationships expert, that he is merely offering women advice and insight from a man’s point of view. But this is probably what makes this book so appealing – the fact that it is written by a man. I mean, who better to offer a glimpse into the (closed) mind of a man than a man himself?

Harvey dares to say it as it is and thanks to his characteristic matter-of-fact humour, the book actually makes an interesting, entertaining read, something that cannot be said of your average textbook-like, clinical book on relationships.

We’re not saying that the book provides all the answers to all the questions you have ever had concerning men, but there is certainly a lot that you can learn about a man’s way of thinking. Read on:

Are you a keeper or a plaything?

How many times have you wondered whether the man you are with is after a genuine relationship or simply having fun at your expense before dumping you for the next hot thing that comes along?

Harvey says that by the time a man decides to approach you, he is half sure about whether you’re the marrying type, (the keeper) or the kind to make a sport of then toss on the side, (the plaything).

He defines the plaything or the ‘sport fish’ as the woman who has no self-respect, the one without any rules, requirements and guidelines that determine how she carries herself and how you treat her. According to him, such a woman is easy to pick out from a room full of women since her body language alone tells the man that she is ready for anything he throws her way.

This woman also gives men the impression that they can treat her in whatever way they like and get away with it, and for this reason, she is very popular with guys, who rarely pass the opportunity to get a free ride.

The keeper, however, is a different story. This one does not give in easily and makes her standards and requirements known from the start.

“She understands her power and wields it like a samurai sword. She commands – not demands – respect, just by the way she carries herself,” writes Harvey.

According to the author, shooting straight and letting a man know where you stand from the onset weeds off jokers. The man on the lookout for a meaningful relationship will stick around though. 

Underneath her no-nonsense demeanour, however, this woman still manages to send out signals that she is capable of “being loyal to a man and taking good care of him, appreciative of what he’s bringing to the relationship, and ready for true, long-lasting love.”

Think about it, the mistake many women make is thinking that if they are indispensable to a man and if they show him just how valuable they are, the men will want to keep them. But it does not work this way in Manville– If a man is not looking for a serious relationship; you’re not going to change his mind just because he pays for your coffee and takes you to his house afterwards.

“If he’s not ready for a serious relationship, he’s going to treat you like a sports fish,” says Harvey. In Harvey’s definition, a sports fish is just good for looking at, feeling before getting tossed back into the water.

But only you, the woman, can decide whether the man will use and dump you since it is you who decides whether you are a keeper or plaything in the man’s eyes. After all, you are the one who decides whether he buys you a drink, goes home with your number or takes you home with him.

“We certainly want these things from you; that’s why we talked to you in the first place. But it’s you who decides if you’re going to give us any of the things we want, and how, exactly, we’re going to get them,” he says.
Get him to put a ring on it