Mocked after failing to conceive, women join hands and bank on fertility clinics

Stigmatised for years over failure to conceive, a group of 35 women has come together to seek solace and solutions to their plight.

For years, they have endured the pain of being shunned by society, including close family members, on account of their inability to bear children.

Some have been accused of being responsible for their condition by procuring abortions. Others are dismissed as deliberately refusing to get pregnant to maintain their body shapes.

CLINIC

The Elohim Women’s Group meets every Sunday, on a rotational basis, at one member’s house in Witeithie, Juja, Kiambu County, not only to share experiences but also to organise a fund-raiser to enable them to attend a fertility clinic.

The group brings together women from Kiambu, Murang’a, Nairobi and Machakos who have been in marriages for at least eight years, but have not had a child.
Fertilising an egg

The women, some of whom have been in marriage for close to two decades, hope that, through the group, they will step-by-step help each other undergo in vitro fertilisation (IVF), which could cost at least Sh500,000 per individual and is available at a few private facilities.

It involves fertilising an egg with sperm in a laboratory under special conditions before transferring the embryo into the womb.

One of their planned fund-raising activities is a walk from Thika to Nairobi, where they will be joined by well-wishers. The walk is meant to symbolise their journey towards bearing children.

EXPENSIVE

“The only solution to our problem is IVF because we have waited for alternatives long enough. It may be expensive but we are determined no matter how long it takes. We have a pay bill number where well-wishers can send their donations,” said Ms Esther Wanjiku, 39, who founded the group two-and-a-half years ago.

According to Ms Wanjiku, who has been married for 17 years, the idea of forming the group arose after she “went through hell” at the hands of people close to her.

Three years into her marriage, she was concerned that she had not conceived but thought it was a temporary situation.

“Initially, I found nothing unusual. But after three years, my agemates who were married started asking me why I had not given birth. I made countless trips to various hospitals to seek solutions in vain. It was during my fifth year in marriage that it dawned on me that I had fertility issues,” she said.

Ms Wanjiku soon became the subject of insults and disrespect.

This, according to Ms Wanjiku, prompted her to hate herself and cry almost every day.

She recalls one humiliating incident during a chama meeting.

HEARTBROKEN

“Someone said each member must be referred to by her child’s name. The jibe was directed at me since I was the only one without a child,” she said.

To seek solace, Ms Wanjiku started visiting other women with the same condition, hoping that their experiences would give her the strength and courage to go on with life.

“I would find women, some of them as old as 60, but instead of encouraging me, they would start crying, wishing they could bear children. I would leave more heartbroken,” she said.

That was when she started Elohim Women’s Group. Initially, she barred those who had not been in marriage for at least 10 years, but this was relaxed to eight years.

The current members include women kicked out of marriage or those who have moved from one man to another over the years, hoping to conceive.

The oldest in the group is 55.

Ms Priscilla Kamene, who lives in the sprawling Kiandutu slum in Thika, has been married for eight years.

Ms Kamene, 32, learnt of her infertility during her second year in marriage and has in recent years spent at least Sh130,000 visiting gynaecologists without success.
COURAGE

“Since I joined the group, things have been different. Sharing my experiences has given me the courage to keep going because even if I am ridiculed, I know that I am not alone. These days I don’t care even when unkind words and gestures are directed at me,” she said.

Another member of the group is 34-year-old Nancy Wangui, who has been married for 12 years and estimates she has spent at least Sh250,000 on various specialists to no avail.

Her condition put her at loggerheads with her in-laws and friends, some of whom accused her of wasting her husband’s time by not giving him a child.

“I went for numerous tests at a public hospital before a doctor referred me to a private hospital but nothing changed. I started hopping from one gynaecologist to the other. All of them have been telling me to wait,” she said.

SEPARATE

Her frustrated husband at one time suggested they should separate but he has since accepted her condition.

“Before I joined the group, I used to cry alone. But today we cry together, share experiences and encourage each other,” she said.

For Ms Lydia Waithira, 35, it took the first five years of her 10-year marriage to accept the reality that she could not conceive.

Some of her friends have accused her of “refusing” to give birth by using family planning methods while others spread rumours that she had procured an abortion in her youthful years and “damaged” her womb. Both accusations, she said, are false.

Even as these women plan to get help in fertility clinics, their hope is that public hospitals will one day have the skills and equipment to carry out IVF at affordable costs.