Social media fire up Kenyan girls’ allure of white men

A 41-year-old Briton was recently arrested on suspicion of causing the death of his 22-year-old Kenyan girlfriend, after he reportedly flushed her diabetes medication down the toilet.

Carl Singleton, who was later released, met Peris Agumbi, a student at the University of Nairobi, on Facebook.

It was reported that a few days before her death, Peris had reported Carl to the police for allegedly assaulting her. She also told them that he had flushed her medication down the toilet. Days later, she fell ill and was taken to hospital, where she was diagnosed with diabetic hypertension and respiratory failure. Peris died while undergoing treatment.

This is one of the worst case scenarios for girls who prefer white men as partners. But the allure of a white husband is intoxicating to the extent that such a case does not deter Kenyan women from seeking European men.

Susan Wairimu, also 22, says she has never dated a black man. She is aware of this story, and though it saddens her, she still believes that her future lies with a white man. She is convinced that white men make better husbands than their black counterparts.

Black men just do not fit the profile of the partner she is hunting, she says. She is very clear about the qualities she wants in a husband, and is not willing to settle for anything less.

“I grew up in a typical Kenyan household where there were gender-specific tasks for boys and girls. Kenyan men believe that house chores are for women while more macho tasks are for men. That just does not appeal to me at all,” she says.

BLACK MEN NOT APPEALING

She detests the gender stereotyping so much that she is completely uninterested in black men, whom she says have to be convinced to help out with house chores.

“Sure, I know that there are Kenyan men who actively participate around the house, but we can all agree that those are a minority. I don’t have time to look for the 10 per cent who will not stress me out. I would much rather date a white guy who has a much higher probability of thinking like I do,” she explains.

But more important for Susan is that she is physically attracted to white men only, and feels nothing for their dark-skinned counterparts.

“You love whoever you like, and I like white men. It is something I have known even before I was a teenager,” she says amid a chuckle.

Not all white men, though. Susan is partial to most Europeans except the British, and also tends to avoid Americans like the plague.

“It has nothing to do with who Americans or Britons are as a people. I just tend to be more attracted to Spanish, Italian or French men,” she explains, saying that she likes a hint of “exoticness” in her partners.

Although she is currently single, Susan has been in her fair share of relationships— the most recent ended two months ago.

“I was dating a 28-year-old Spanish man for nine months and it was amazing. He was a genuinely nice person who respected me and treated me very well. I liked that we would split household chores. He had no problems cooking or cleaning after me,” she remembers with what sounds like a tinge of nostalgia.

So why did the relationship end?

NOT READY

“He was looking for something much more serious. He wanted to settle down, but I was not ready for that. I am too young for marriage, so we parted ways,” says Susan.

Stella Mutanu, 24, is engaged to an Irish man who works and lives in Qatar. Unlike Susan, she has dated black men as well, but says she did not like the experience.

“My former boyfriend was Kenyan, and I had known him for a long time. We went to school together. He stopped making an effort in the relationship after only a few months. For example, he would cancel dates at the last minute, with no apology, and generally stopped caring about making me happy,” she recalls.

For her, the last straw was when he openly started eyeing other women in her presence and making disparaging comments about her body, comparing her with other women.

“I am skinny, so I caught him several times checking out bigger women and he would say how much he wished I was more like them,” says Stella.

Her white fiancé, she says, is everything her black ex was not.

“Justin respects me and loves me for me. We have been together for over two years now and he treats me even better than he did when we started dating,” she says.

“Before I met him, I had heard from friends that white men are much nicer than black men in the way they treat their partners. I have experienced it for myself and I have no regrets!”

Once they get married, the couple plans to settle down in Doha, Qatar, where Justin works, before eventually moving to Ireland.

Stella admits that a long-distance relationship is challenging but they keep the spark alive by communicating every day and by Justin visiting as often as he can.

“He has met my family and they love him, my mum, especially. I love that I have my family’s approval,” she enthuses.

On the flip side, at 40, Justin is considerably older than Stella. She says the age gap was initially a big problem for her, but with time, she has come to accept it.

WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR

“He is mature— definitely the kind of man I was looking for after breaking up with my former boyfriend,” she says.

Margaret Njeri, 27, is also engaged to a much older man. Her fiancé is 58.

She says she got a lot of resistance from her family and friends when she came clean about the relationship.

“They criticised my relationship, with some assuming I was only with him for the money. Most have come around now and accepted it, but there are those who have kept their distance,” she says.

The three women admit that being with their men in social places has seen them face unfair judgment as “gold-diggers”.

“A random man on the street once called me malaya (prostitute) just because I was walking with my then boyfriend,” says Susan.

She also says that her boyfriend would get a lot of attention from other girls whenever they went to clubs or restaurants.

“It was very weird, the way they would swarm all over him, flirting with him. He was a good man, though, he would always ask them to back off,” she says. Margaret’s experiences are similar. She has encountered societal prejudice whenever she goes out with her fiancé.

“Most people assume I am with him for his money, but it is because I love him,” she declares.