Thursday, May 7, 2009

Thrust of the matter

By CLAY MUGANDA

Outbreak. That is what happened mid this week, but before we delve deeper into it, we, as consensual adults, have to agree that family-related issues should be discussed without fear and that it is fatally ‘phallus-cious’ to skirt around lifestyle-changing issues because we think they are taboo.

On Tuesday, after seven days of coitus interruptus requested by a bevy of prominent women who were turned off by the two Principals, many homes must have experienced what Bachi Karkaria of Times of India calls “hormonal upheavals and testosteronic shifts on the orgasmic Richter scale.”

Before Tuesday, Kenyan men’s seminal stocks must have lost value on the 20-Share Index of women’s consciousness and they (men) showed their displeasure at this disregard for their basic instinct by penning misogynistic articles whose underlying subtext was that you cannot put a good man down.

There is no gainsaying that the group that called for the weeklong sex boycott was ready for stiff resistance from men and even female commercial sex workers. No wonder it offered to pay off the latter so they could decline to be turned on.

Taboo subject

Let’s break it down. In the clamour for relevance and the ensuing din during and after the week that women were supposed to keep their legs crossed, we talked and wrote about everything but sex, an important subject that we have always avoided and referred to euphemistically because it is a taboo subject that will erode our cultural values.

Over the years, aided by the clergy, we have maintained that sex is a bedroom only affair which involves two people, the giver and the receiver, and the former not only has to give, but also give in as and when it is demanded of her.

Like we do with weddings and marriages, we confuse sex with love and hang on to the misguided notion that abundance of sex equals too much love and little of the former means less of the latter.

It has never occurred to us that there are so many loveless marriages with abundance of sex because the giver has no say on her own body since she is not empowered.

The love-sex conundrum was evident during the dry week when groupings of “loving” wives not only accused the “divorced” activists of trying to break up homes, but also ignorantly admitted on national television that they had “given” their husbands because they “love” them.

Never in the history of local tabloid radio have so many men phoned in to express solidarity with this libidinous euphoria, and inadvertently buttressed the idea that in matters relating to sex, Kenyan women or wives have a duty to give and men to receive.

In essence, marital rape is fine or does not exist because she is your wife, ignorant women are better, empowered women are home breakers, meekness is a virtue equal to submissiveness which is even supported by religious texts, and we are such a religious society, you know, no wonder we get baptised almost every week.

Ideally, a lot of sex is good, but the giver-receiver mentality is responsible for a lot of bad sex that is happening in our society today.

It is inculcated in our minds that Kenyan women never want sex and just do it for the men who are always desperately in need. So much so that man talk about sex is always full of kuomba, kupewa and/or kunyimwa in reference to their girlfriends, spouses, casual partners or prostitutes who they actually pay.

Women, especially the young unmarried ones –more often the bumbling and fumbling idiots who do not understand their own bodies – have overrated sex and always think they can use it to get their way with men, who are dogs anyway, who think only of sex and are ever devising ways through which they can be “given”.

Bad sex is not only addictive and expensive, but also infectious in more ways than one. After a round of bad sex with a spouse, the man runs to the house/school/ college girl, who in turn runs to the gardener/fellow student/ lecturer, who goes to his live-in partner, who turns to the neighbour who runs to the bar maid who will later “give” the matatu driver who eventually hooks up with the spouse of the man who was knocking boots and all types of shoes with the house girl….

In this vicious cycle of bad sex, we often fail to observe the cardinal rule that erection without protection is plain suicide, or very costly to the taxpayer because sooner or later, some Government ministry will spend millions of shillings in lopsided advertisements that urge men to cease and desist from mpango wa kando.

Sole providers

Forget about pandemics or epidemics, there is an outbreak of bad sex in this country, and the boycott was probably necessary, but it was tantamount to teaching a person who does not have food how to use a fork.

Kenyan women were being told not to “give” yet they do not have any means of livelihood and the receivers are their sole providers and when they are not “given” they throw tantrums – and the women out of their homes.

Even though it is hard to find a good man, and good to find a hard man, the sex boycott call and the reactions that followed gave the impression that women should use their genitalia as a weapon to further their interests, and those of the nation, considering their role as nurturers.

With all that in mind, we can vouchsafe that Kenyan women should be empowered – so that they, and their men can understand that you cannot give or receive sex. People have sex.

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Swimming in murky rhetoric

So, Philip Kisia has been moved from the centre of power that is Kenyatta International Conference Centre, to City Hole where councillors fling chairs with as much ease as they engage in mudslinging, more so if you are coming between them and irregular deals?

Who was going to run down KICC, the landmark institution that Kisia refurbished, repaired, repainted, propped up and marketed as Africa’s premier meeting place, and in the process gave a new meaning to exhibition tourism as we never knew it? I asked myself.
Someone from the Coast will probably be appointed to run it down, because we entertain notions, with disastrous results, that only Coastals can manage anything tourism just for the simple accident of geography, and not qualification – as if Coastals discovered tourism as we know it.

Currently, the Ministry of Tourism – KICC and Utalii College unfortunately fall under it –is bursting at the seams with Coastals, and we are yet to see the fruits of their labour. Probably they are still spending their allowances and will start working in 2012, who knows.

Do you remember when euphoric Kenyans “repossessed” KICC in 2003 and KANU went to court? The ensuing court battle pitted the newly appointed Minister for Constitutional Affairs Mutula Kilonzo against the extremely confident and silently colourful Raphael Tuju.

There was a lawyer representing the Government, but Mr Tuju overshadows anyone and we cannot remember who the advocate was.

Thanks to our judiciary, the case is probably still in court, but Mr Tuju and Mr Kilonzo have moved on, and a lot of dirty water has flowed down Nairobi River in which Mr Kilonzo had promised to swim this month although he still has 23 days to do so.

He has gone silent on his promise and a plethora of others, but he has given many more since his recent appointment.

If he does not swim in Nairobi River this month, then there is no reason to trust that he will keep his new promises because like the previous ones, they are just empty rhetoric expected of a politically correct Senior Counsel.