Kalonzo should not seek President’s help to deal with drama from Mama

President Kibaki, let me tell you what sticks in my craw. I don’t know about you and I don’t mean to belittle your profession, but it is the smallness of our politics.

I read that your deputy, the Vice-President of the Republic, came to you and asked you to sack Water minister Charity Ngilu.

I think, Mr President, you should keep a whip somewhere in State House and flog those ministers who come to treat you to such inane stories about their colleagues.

Look, Mr President, if they can’t take the heat in the arena, then, you turn the heat on them or ask them to get the hell out of politics. Second, Mr President, if they spend all their time fighting their colleagues, they should not complain when they themselves come under pressure.

Bloody nose

Let me tell you, sir, about Reuben. You see, my departed uncle, for that was his name, would have choked on his tea to hear about the VP telling on Ngilu.

Between you and I, Baba wa Taifa, the only time Reuben beat me bloody was because I had come home crying and complaining that some other kid had given me a bloody nose.

My uncle surveyed me from his seat in the corner of the sitting room as I sobbed and shook from the same. He moved close to me as if to console me.

He struck me so hard I stopped crying instantly. I stood bolt upright as if obeying a military command because he hit me harder than the other chap had.

And then he thundered: “Rafael is younger than you. Why would you fight him? I am told you started the fight, why would you start a fight you can’t fight. I will not have a nephew who wants a fight, gets himself one and then loses it. Now go and cry with the girls in the kitchen!”

No, Mr President; there is no way I was going to go to the kitchen. My cousin Sophia & Co would have laughed at me with a great deal of hilarity and mischief. They did laugh anyway, but at least I delayed their laughter and glee.

You get my drift, Mr President? Ngilu is a woman. At least the guy who hit me was a boy. Look, what is happening here is that Ngilu has lit a fire under the VP’s seat and, in this fight for supremacy in Ukambani, surely he can tackle the lady.

The problem for the VP is simply that he cannot get water to put out the fire under his seat because it is with Ngilu. Because she won’t give it to him, ask him to wrest it from her.

Let me tell you something else, Baba wa Taifa. You could also have turned the heat on the Vice-President by urgently summoning Ngilu to your meeting.

And as soon as she walked in, you would have asked the Vice-President to tell his story about her all over again! I see you can already see the thunder on Ngilu’s face and the horror on the VP’s!