Behind the sins of Kenya's closet gays

“What or who is a lesbian?” I asked.

“I make out with women only,” she replied and then I told her that she is just like me – because I also make out with women only! She went silent, and peace prevailed for the rest of the evening because she must have realised that there are better idiots.

Was I being condescending? Hardly. She looked normal to me and I did not understand why she expected preferential treatment. This is something I have never understood to date.

Hypothetically, there are very many lesbians and gays in Kenya and people mix with them every day without knowing their sexual orientation because they have not gone public. Actually, we can safely say there are no lesbians and gays in Kenya.

This is why I fail to understand why some non-resident Kenyans are calling “locals” homophobes who are persecuting lesbians and gays. What are the rights they want and when did they come out and were told what they can get and what they cannot?

Haughty lawyers

Every society has what it considers taboos. And even those countries where gays openly have rights – and whatever else – did not embrace them in a flash the way it is being demanded of us “locals” by haughty lawyers who are stuck-up in foreign universities and want to govern us through newspaper columns.

Personally, save for the former minister’s daughter – who got married through a highly-publicised wedding – I do not know any lesbians or gays, and when it is pointed out to me that so- and-so is gay, I treat it as a rumour.

Whatever it is that they do – which I do not know – is none of my business as long as none of them asks the government for lubricants. The last time I checked, lubrication occurred in a natural way!

Ever since the debate started some weeks ago, those who have been sticking their pens in our eyes have not disclosed their sexual orientation and it is difficult to tell whether they just want to flaunt their knowledge about Christianity, (African) history and laws of countries whose constitutions were written centuries ago.

As long as Kenya’s lesbians and gays do not come out of the closet, they may never get the rights that are being demanded on their behalf by non-resident Kenyans – who are so out of touch with realities on the ground.