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Garbage bin query raises a stink, automatically
What you need to know:
- The charge is to fund the British Broadcasting Corporation and, though some people complain that they watch only independent TV, most Britons support the BBC, if only because it carries no advertising.
- Tam Fray from the Child Growth Foundation told the BBC, “It is incomprehensible that parents cannot tell if their children are overweight. You sometimes wonder if they are in total denial.”
- One man said it was his wife’s job to get the licence, although she had been dead for two years, and a highly religious woman said she was worried the direct debit deduction from her account might be made on a Sunday.
It’s for your convenience, they say — a marvellous, automated telephone reply system. Gets you straight to the person you need to talk to. Swift, discreet, efficient.
Oh yeah?
I only wanted to know the day my garbage bin would be collected after the Easter holiday, so I rang the City Council.
Automated Voice: “Thank you for calling; these calls may be recorded for security or training purposes. Say the name of the person or department you wish to speak to. If you want bin collection, say Bins; if you want garden waste, say Garden; if you want tipping sites, say Tipping sites, etc, etc … (six in all) and for any other say Other.”
I say “Bins.”
“You said Bins. Is that correct?”
“Yes.”
Then six more options? Collection dates, bin replacements, garden waste, lifting assistance, etc, etc.
I say “Collection dates.”
You said, “Collection dates. Is that correct?”
“Yes.”
“Please state your post code.”
I give the post code.
“Please state your street address.”
I give the street address. Unfortunately, my address includes the word Eslington, which everybody seems to think should be Islington, including the Automated Voice.
“You live at number so-and-so, Islington… Is that correct?
“No.”
“You live at number so-and-so, Islington… Is that correct?”
“No.”
“You live at number so-and-so, Islington… Is that correct?”
No, no and NOO OO OOOOOO OOOO OOOOO!
“I will now transfer you to one of our agents.”
At last, a human voice! I should have known better.
Automated Voice No. 2: “Our lines are very busy. All information is available on our website. We will answer your call as soon as possible, At present, your waiting time is ...”
Automated Voice No. 3: “Twenty-three minutes.”
I say “Goodbye!”
Well, actually, there was a bit more than Goodbye but I think you get my drift.
***
Hard as it is to believe when you see the little barrels of fat waddling off to school, but a report says most parents hardly ever spot obesity in their children.
In a study of 2,976 families, only four parents thought their children were overweight, when hundreds were.
Tam Fray from the Child Growth Foundation told the BBC, “It is incomprehensible that parents cannot tell if their children are overweight. You sometimes wonder if they are in total denial.”
Experts say the likely explanation is that society as a whole has become so fat that people have lost their sense of a healthy weight.
Obesity is a term used to describe people who are very overweight with a lot of body fat. The obesity rate in Britain — one adult in every four, one child in every five — is the highest in Europe.
Obesity can lead to serious health problems.
***
A television licence costs £145.50 (Sh20,070) per year and it can be purchased in one lump sum or by instalments. People aged over 75 do not have to pay.
The charge is to fund the British Broadcasting Corporation and, though some people complain that they watch only independent TV, most Britons support the BBC, if only because it carries no advertising.
But there are always those who prefer to watch without paying and the Licensing Authority has just released a medley of highly original excuses produced by offenders:
“I have just arrived from Australia and I must have left my TV licence behind.”
“I couldn’t pay because I’m under curfew for biting a policeman’s ear off.”
“The dog ate my payment card.”
“I’m colour blind so I don’t need a licence for colour TV.”
“My telly is never off, but I don’t watch it, the heat off it helps my plants grow. “
“I just put it on for my dogs.”
One man said it was his wife’s job to get the licence, although she had been dead for two years, and a highly religious woman said she was worried the direct debit deduction from her account might be made on a Sunday.
A young mother thought that putting the licence in her baby’s name exempted her from payment.
The Authority warned licence dodgers they could face a fine of up to £1,000 (Sh138,000).
***
In the days before mobile phones, Joe had a motorway café with a pay phone which was much used by truck drivers and other customers. One day the phone broke down, a great inconvenience to Joe and his customers.
He contacted the phone company every day trying to get it repaired, but they just kept saying, Yeah, we’ll get round to it.
Finally, Joe called the company back. Don’t worry about the payphone, he said. It’s now working fine. The only thing is that it gives the customers their money back immediately after they make their call.
There was a repairman at the café in an hour.
