The man who cannot stop swearing
As a result of a probable chemical imbalance in the brain, Paul Stevenson makes bizarre and embarrassing remarks, often swearing in front of his own children, and is subject to weird and uncontrollable physical tics.
What you need to know:
- He suffers from a condition known as Tourette syndrome.
- With the onset of Tourette’s, Paul quit his job and rarely left his home in Berwick, Northumberland.
As he woke next to his wife, Paul Stevenson, father of three children, blurted, “I’m a gay man;” at a Christmas party, he shouted, “There is no Santa Claus;” and when he spotted a policeman, he bellowed, “I sell drugs to kids.”
Paul is not gay nor a drug dealer and would never spoil a child’s illusions about Christmas. He suffers from a condition known as Tourette syndrome.
As a result of a probable chemical imbalance in the brain, the 46-year-old former nightclub bouncer makes bizarre and embarrassing remarks, often swearing in front of his own children, and is subject to weird and uncontrollable physical tics.
His body spasms violently, he sticks out his tongue, jerks his head forward and stutters uncontrollably.
The attacks are momentary but they never let up. “My tics are like a lottery machine,” Paul said, “the words just pop out of my mouth. I swear in front of my children.”
Ordinary people who encounter Paul think he is crazy, offensive, threatening or funny — on one occasion, a group of children trailed after him in a supermarket.
Some 300,000 people in Britain suffer from the syndrome. Usually the problems start between ages five and 18, then diminish in intensity over the years.
Paul’s symptoms began only recently at the funeral of a friend who committed suicide.
“At the crematorium I could not stop my legs from shaking,” he said. “Then at the wake I started grunting and making noises I could not stop.”
He said, “My friend was very close to me. His death came as a terrible shock. I believe that is what started it.”
But he thinks he had symptoms as a child, which were never explored. His parents said he used to touch his face constantly in an obsessive fashion.
With the onset of Tourette’s, Paul quit his job and rarely left his home in Berwick, Northumberland.
But now he believes he has invented a way of dealing with the social problems. He has devised what is known as a QR card, which he hands to people who have been frightened or baffled by his behaviour.
Scanning the card explains Paul’s bizarre actions and gives information about Tourette’s and its symptoms.
Meanwhile, Paul is being treated by a neurologist, who says little is known of late-onset Tourette’s, that it can wax or wane but that eventually it may subside.
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Third bottom of the Premiership football league, Newcastle United, have performed without spirit, talent or fight this season. (And I hate to admit it, they are my team).
Recently, Newcastle played high-flying Manchester City and duly lost 2-0. At the end of the game, a supporter of the visiting team ran onto the pitch and hugged City’s striker, Sergio Aguero.
It is an offence to run onto the pitch during or after a football match and the supporter, an Iranian asylum-seeker, Bezhang Hossain Zada, was duly charged and appeared before Newcastle’s magistrates’ court.
Chairman of the bench Anne Hill found the young man guilty and said she considered handing down a severe and painful sentence — to watch Newcastle play again!
She decided to temper justice with mercy, however — no crime deserved such a horrendous sentence — and gave him an absolute discharge instead.
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It goes without saying that the fans of Newcastle United are enraged by their team’s failures and lose no opportunity to convey their feelings to the owner, Mike Ashley, and the manager, Alan Pardew.
Posters appear at most games calling on the two to go but, at a recent game, supporters unfurled a long banner which raised criticism to a higher level. It said:
LLWDLLLWWLWLLLLLLWLLDDLDL
Not a Welsh town. Our form in 2014.
The banner highlighted the team’s 16 defeats over 25 games. Most Britons would understand the reference to Welsh towns, many of which have a preponderance of L’s in their names.
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A fairy tells a football fan she will grant him one wish. The fan says, “I want to live forever.”
The fairy says, “That is one wish I cannot grant.”
“OK,” says the fan, “I want to live until Newcastle United win the Premiership.” “Crafty …” says the fairy.
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Commentators, managers and footballers are well known for making contradictory or ridiculous remarks, a selection of which follow:
I never comment on referees and I am not going to break the habit of a lifetime by commenting on that idiot.
I never make predictions and I never will.
I’m going to make a prediction — it could go either way.
In football, if you stand still, you go backwards.
It’s Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if it stays that way, I fancy Liverpool to win.
I am a firm believer that if one side scores a goal, the other side needs to score two to win.
