If we bothered to listen to our children, we’d avert violence

Education Cabinet Secretary Fred Matiang'i and his Principal Secretary Belio Kipsang (centre) inspect one of the seven dormitories torched by students at the Itierio Boys High School on June 27, 2016. PHOTO | BENSON MOMANYI | NATION MEDIA

What you need to know:

  • We have a culture that assumes children — including teenagers and young adults — have no voice, no needs of their own, and no claim in the grand scheme of things.
  • As a result, their unhappiness and dissatisfaction festers. When it becomes impossible to hold it in any longer, the results are often catastrophic.
  • Then, and only then, do the adults start asking themselves: “Where did we go wrong? Why are our children violent? Have we not brought them up well?”

As a secondary school prefect in the late 1980s, one of my responsibilities was to write an end-of-term report that was to be read by the headmaster and his deputy.

In one of those reports, I wrote that there was growing disquiet among students who wanted to be allowed to wear trousers.

Although my suspicion was that my parents would be unwilling to buy a pair for me, that did not weaken the case for the other students, so I included it in my report.

The matter was never addressed. A year after I left, there was a riot at the school — the best day secondary school in the country at the time.

Police were called in to quell the riots. A few months later, trousers became part of the school uniform.

Today, my son is in nursery school and trousers are part of his uniform.

As a second-year student at Egerton University, my colleagues and I had to queue behind those who were lucky enough to have plates, waiting for them to finish eating so that we could use the plates.

For weeks, the students asked the university administration to provide sufficient numbers of melamine plates. This was not done.

The students went on the rampage shortly before the end-of-semester exams.

Police were called in to quell the riots and newspapers reported that the students had rioted over food.

When the university readmitted the students three months later, there were enough plates in the dining halls.

THERE TO BE SEEN

Why these anecdotes? Because we live in a culture in which many parents and people in authority believe that children are to be seen and not heard.

This culture assumes that children — including teenagers and young adults — have no voice, no needs of their own, and no claim in the grand scheme of things.

As a result, their unhappiness and dissatisfaction festers. When it becomes impossible to hold it in any longer, the results are often catastrophic.

Then, and only then, do the adults start asking themselves: “Where did we go wrong? Why are our children violent? Have we not brought them up well?”

Because the teachers did not listen to the students of Itierio Boys High School, who wanted to watch a football match after hours, the boys chose to vent their anger by burning down their dormitories, in effect saying that they would not go to sleep as their teachers wanted.

The match was on a Friday. There would have been no class the following morning.

There would have been less damage if the teachers and students had listened to one another.

Now every official in a position of authority is commenting on the incident, giving edicts and issuing circulars long after the horse has bolted.

The Kenya Institute of Curriculum Development has said that it has started the process of reviewing the curriculum to ensure that education helps learners to solve problems rather than stuff their memory with facts and information that is only useful in answering examination questions.

Too often, however, those in positions of authority fail to see the problems from the perspective of the young people and end up prescribing the wrong solutions or none at all.

My son once told me that he needed a new pair of sandals. He was only five. I dismissed him.

Two weeks later, we were invited for a cultural day at his school.

The children in his class were performing a beautiful Zulu dance and they were wearing sandals. All except my son.

A year later when he wanted a new pair of sports shoes, I did not stop him.

It turns out his school had a sports day in a few weeks — and I was mighty glad that he was properly attired.

Parents and teachers do not always have all the answers. They may not always appreciate the needs of their children.

Worse, they often assume that the word of the adult must always trump that of the child.

So the children watch. They observe that when adults, say, in the political space, do not get their way, they call demonstrations and generally become ungovernable.

From these observations, the children learn that violence is the one language that adults and those in authority understand.

So next time young people have a grievance that cannot wait, they use the same tactics they see adults using.

And the dumbfounded adults wonder why their children have suddenly become violent boys and girls from hell.

Mr Mbugua is the deputy managing editor of the Daily Nation. [email protected]

Charles Onyango-Obbo’s column resumes next week